Obesity & you:

"FBD"

Ah yes. Now that we have just about castrated Joe’s Camel and even the best lawyers in town realize they can’t possibly suck any more dollars out of the Marlboro man, it’s time for the Media to TELL YOU what the next (Bleeping) life threatening thing is.
And THAT is:

The Fat Bastards Disease: (FBD)

AKA: Obesity

Finally, this disease is coming to the forefront and we can begin to focus on the problem. We can pursue those people responsible for the disease and continue to dispense products that have the capacity to cripple our health.

Now, most Fat Bastards are subject to ridicule on a daily basis. This creates huge psychological problems and overwhelming anxiety. More often than not, through no fault of their own, the humiliation drives these poor (Bleepers) into a feeding frenzy. You see where this is going? It’s a vicious cycle.

There are several plans of attack under way to resolve the problem and return us to a size 2 or 8 or (Bleeping) whatever. An unknown number of lawyers are salivating over the opportunity to interview large groups of Fat Bastards and convince them they have subconsciously been led into this eating habit (soon to be labeled as an addiction). It shouldn’t take that much convincing, and many of the firms can draw on the data they accumulated from previous Class Action Suites involving the Marlboro Man. There’s gotta be a lot of Fat Bastards in there, and those clients are already certified Screaming Mimi’s.

The general opinion is that if they can successfully knock Joe off his Camel, it should be no problem to knock the balls (or balloons) off that (Bleeping) Clown. That all smiles, big red nosed SOB that lures the mass’ into any one of those thousands of force feeding establishments.

Over time, with constant bombardment from TV and the like, we’ll gradually force the Fat Bastards (FBD) to assemble in small groups and eat outdoors. We can ban picnics and barbecues. Eventually we may be able to remove all burgers and fries from stadiums and all public buildings; but, if you can’t shake the addiction, you could still purchase them from any convenience store for 6 or 7 bucks a bite.

Look, no kidding, when this country was first settled, people were more lean, got a lot of exercise and fresh air but dinner was a little iffy (no pizza delivery), people died young (no HMOs), ... sometimes from starvation (no Mickey Ds), but they looked real good. At that time (FBD) was unheard of. Good thing for the horseys.

We can all look forward to the day when we’re all skinny, just like other people maybe like in Africa or Somalia. They don’t (Bleeping) smoke either.

As for myself, I love seafood and seem to be immune to Mercury and other toxins but unfortunately, I am still afflicted with "FBD".