How to live to be a 100 ...... or almost a hundred.

Getin to be a little older than dirt myself, I can’t help but look back and wonder how anybody dodged all the threats that surrounded my generation. I guess it was just dumb luck.


Can you imagine riding your bike or scooter without a helmet? Your parents actually put you in the family jalopy WITHOUT a safety belt, much less a child’s safety seat....... Mom & Dad didn’t even strap themselves in .... and no air bags either. To compound the threat .... this death trap had no crash resistant bumpers or puncture proof tires. It’s a wonder we didn’t all get (Bleeping) killed.


Lots of people smoked those (Bleeping) cigarettes .... Dad smoked EVEN WHILE DRIVING. I have to confess, I even bought cigarettes at the candy store on the way to school (penny apiece). They never asked for ID. That was in Grade School. By the time High School rolled around, you almost couldn’t see the Father Judge H.S. students at lunch time there was so much smoke. There was no talk about second hand smoke .... there was none .... it was ALL first hand. It’s a wonder all of us didn’t (Bleeping) die at once from lung disease.

Mom was actually home all the time, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house (with a multitude of toxic cleaning agents). She used to make dinner with red meats, fish and sometimes oysters or clams ..... never really checking to see if anything was contaminated. When dinner was ready, she’d holler out the door "Dinners Ready!", ... often times right after you were chasing the DDT truck that just sprayed the whole block. It’s a miracle we lived past our teens.

My Uncle Rudy would show up now and then in his perfect Model A Ford. I loved that man. Never met a happier person. All he needed was that Ford and a pack of Viceroys to make him happy. By chance, he survived all the dangers of this type of vehicle AND Lord knows how many smokes. He past away in his late 80s or early 90s never knowing the danger he was in. I’m not exactly sure of his age when he died. I’ll try and remember to ask his sister next time I see her. Rudy loved to tinker. That’s him in the picture. One of his most remembered expressions, "Life is a dream." Indeed Uncle Rudy, indeed.

Fifty years have passed. I’m still here .... and so is the largest segment of the population commonly referred to as the "Baby Boomers". A big enough group to threaten SS. Is that a (Bleeping) miracle or what. They have managed to maneuver their way through a multitude of life threatening scenarios.

We have finally removed, or are attempting to remove, lots of things that shortened the lives of our predecessors. The only problems that we need to overcome now are, Mercury in the sea food, contaminated blood, AIDS, toxic air, contaminated water, road rage, Mad Cow Disease, etc., etc., and a whole bunch of Turban types running around with suitcase bombs, .... not to mention the remnants of that (Bleeping) outlaw gang of Nicotine addicts.

Not to worry. Take some Valium, Riddlin, or any one of a million legal OTC drugs out there now, and relax. If anything bad does happen, you’ll never know it. If you do, you can always give Dr. Phil or Oprah a buzz.

I’m gonna go cash my SS check, have a smoke and a shot of CC
(with a lemon wedge).