TOXIC AIR

THAT'S RIGHT. A NEW STUDY CLAIMS THE AIR IN PLANE CABINS IS TOXIC.

NOT TO WORRY. HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS TO PROTECT YOUR HEALTH.

THE DAY OF YOUR FLIGHT .... IF YOUR STAYING AT A LOCAL HOTEL .... GET OUT OF YOUR INFESTED BED & TAKE A QUICK SHOWER IN THE CHEMICAL & DRUG SATURATED WATER.

DON'T FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH THAT CHINA TOOTHPASTE .

NEXT ... CHOW DOWN ON SOME E.COLI INFECTED EGGS AND A LARGE GLASS OF MILK THAT CAME FROM A CLONE.

WEAR SOMETHING CASUAL THAT YOU JUST HAD DRY CLEANED IN SOME SORT OF CANCER CAUSING CHEMICAL.

YOUR NOW READY TO STEP OUT INTO THE SMOG & FUME SOAKED TRAFFIC SNARL.

AT THE AIRPORT .... PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO, AND PASS THROUGH, THE METAL DETECTOR. AFTER BEING THROUGHLY RADIATED & STRIP SEARCHED .... HEAD TO YOUR RIDE.

UPON ENTERING THE CABIN......HOLD YOUR BREATH UNTIL YOU FIND YOUR SEAT.... PROBABLY NEXT TO THAT GROUP WEARING TURBANS. PULL DOWN THE OXYGEN MASK AND BEGIN TAKING SHALLOW BREATHS. IF THE MASK IS MADE IN CHINA ... I'D EXERCISE A LITTLE CAUTION ALSO.

DO NOT REMOVE YOUR MASK UNLESS THE STEWARDESS OR ONE OF YOUR FELLOW PASSENGERS THREATENS YOU. SHOULD THE AIRCRAFT REMAIN ON THE RUNWAY FOR MORE THAN THREE HRS OR MORE ..... YOUR JUST (BLEEPED).

ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT AND PLEASE REMEMBER ..... DON'T SMOKE. IT'S UNHEALTHY.