My Buddy AL :

"Independently Choosing Personal Choices"

The "Brochure Barrage":

The Iceman gets truckloads of bills, brochures, magazines and assorted junk mail just like everybody else. Most of the bills require a Ph.D. to decipher any more. Brochures usually come from companies that you have some sort of business dealings and they probably figured out another way to con you without you realizing it. All kinds of magazines and junk mail comes as soon as these people get your name off one of those companies that swear on their children "Your information is private and confidential, never sold or shared with any living organism. even if we’re tortured by the KGB".

I asked my buddy Al to come over and give me a hand to sort out some of this stuff. He’s pretty smart. Was real good with numbers but didn’t wear socks.

Al: Do you know we’re right in the middle of a Cat 5 Hurricane? My sneakers are soaked, my pipe went out and my feet are cold. My papers are damp and half the theoretical equations I’ve been working on for eleven years are all smudged. So what’s the life threatening problem?

Iceman: It’s these dam electric bills Al. And the phone Bills!!! The health insurance crap also. Here. Take a look at them and explain it to me will you please?

Al scans the bills and stuff in about two minutes. He pushes the papers over to me, leans back in his chair.

Al: I need a glass of milk and a joint.

Iceman: What’s the story?

Al: Here’s the skinny. The Gas company, the Electric company, the Phone company and all the other companies are smarter than you and are giving you a good screwing on these charges. The credit card company and especially the insurance companies are really (Bleeping) you with all the double talking gobly gook legalese bull (Bleep).

Iceman: So what’s the answer? What do I do?

Al: How the (Bleep) do I know? I got the same (Bleep) and can’t figure it out either. Look at my papers! What was that? E =M what? Can you make this out?

Iceman: Here’s your milk. Need a light?