TATOO BAN

THE USMC BANS TATOO'S THAT ARE LARGER THAN A HOWITZER, HOWEVER, THEY WILL ALLOW TATOO'S SMALLER THAN A DUFFEL BAG.

THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS WILL BE IF THE MARINE HAS ACCEPETED A TENTATIVE POSITION WITH RINGLING BROS. OR HAS AN IQ EQUIVALENT TO, OR LESS THAN, AN ANT.

ANY INDIVIDUAL WHO IGNORES THE BAN WILL BE PERMANENTLY STATIONED IN FRISCO.

SEMPER FI

SIGN OF THE TIMES

CALIFORNIA FELT THE NEED TO POST SIGNS ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR THOSE THAT CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, NEW ILLEGAL ARRIVALS, AND FOR LEFTCOASTERS IN GENERAL.

ANY RESIDENT WHOSE KNUCKLES DRAG ON THE GROUND OR LIVE IN LA SHOULD PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THIS ALERT.

GOP SCOREBOARD

RUDY & NEWT ARE NECK & NECK SO FAR.

NOW IF JOHN OR FRED CAN PICK UP A PLAYMATE OR TWO, AND GET A QUICKIE DIVORCE, THAT WOULD PLACE HIM IN THE TOP SPOT OVERNIGHT ....

UNLESS OF COURSE, RUDY OR NEWT MIGHT BE FOND OF A NEW ASSISTANT OR INTERN.

HOW 2

" GET GREEN "

1: SHUT DOWN DC..

THE LEVEL OF GAS EMANATING FROM ALL THE BULL(BLEEP) HAS REACHED EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS.

THE ATMOSPHERE IS TOTALLY CONTAMINATED AND HAS AFFECTED THE POPULATION (ESPECIALLY IN CALIFORNIA).

2: GET RID OF AT LEAST ONE OF YOUR SUVs, SHUT DOWN THE POOL, TURN OFF THE AC, TURN DOWN THE TEMP TO 50 DEG., REMOVE ALL LIGHT BULBS, SHITCAN THE 80 INCH HD TV, LOOSE THE CELL, CLOSE THE THIRD FLOOR AND LET JUNIOR BUNK WITH BABY BROTHER, UNLOAD THE 2ND & THIRD VACATION HACIENDAs, AND FOR (BLEEP) SAKE KNOCK OFF THE MTV.

OTHER THAN THE ABOVE ...... SELL ALL YOUR (BLEEP) AND MOVE TO IRELAND .... IT'S PLENTY GREEN THERE ALREADY.

E 85

THE GOOD NEWS:

NOW WE CAN GROW GAS. THE TOWEL HEADS CAN STICK THEIR OIL UP THEIR ...............!

THE BAD NEWS:

ALL VEGETABLES WILL HAVE TO BE IMPORTED FROM MEXICO OR YOU CAN DRIVE THERE TO PICK UP NEXT WEEKS GROCERIES.

\ GLOBAL WARMING /

BIG AL (BA) TESTIFIES:

BA: NOW I'M NOT SAYIN DA PLANET CAUGHT FIRE CAUSE I'M NOT THE PRES..

ALL'S I'M SAYIN IS IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHIN RIGHT NOW ... A WHOLE LOT A LAWYERS ARE GONNA BE IN HELL SOONER THEN THEY EXPECTED .... SIDES, I'LL BE OUTA WORK TOO.

ICEMAN: BUT ALBERT, WHAT MAKES YOU AN AUTHORITY ON THIS STUFF?

BA: WELL, RIGHT AFTER I INVENTED THE INTERNET I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE THE PRES, BUT IF YOU REMEMBER, W CHEATED ME OUT OF IT. ALL OF A SUDDEN I STARTED SWEATIN ALOT AND COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY. THEN, ONE DAY AT MICKEY Ds, TIPPER TOOK NOTICE AND SAID "IT'S PROBABLY THE WEATHER". THAT STARTED ME THINKIN.

ICEMAN: HOW DID YOU FIND OUT IT WAS GETTIN HOTTER?

BA: I WATCHED THE CABLE WEATHER CHANNEL ALL DAY AND THEY KEPT SAYIN IT WAS GETTIN HOTTER & HOTTER.

ICEMAN: WHEN WAS THAT?

BA: AUGUST LAST YEAR.

A SHOT IN THE ARM

" NEW LAW 4 UTAH "

DA GOV. WANTS 2 PASS LAW BANNING GAY HIGH SCHOOL CLUBS.

SEEMS LIKE THIS LAW IS IN RETALIATION FOR THE WIVES OF SOME OF THESE FOLKS CONSTANT BITCHING OVER THE FEDS ARCHAIC IDEA OF MARRIAGE.

" DOG FOOD ALERT "

BIG TIME RECALL OF ALL FIDOS' FAVORITE FOODS.

IF YOU NOTICED YOUR POOCH BECOMING SLUGGISH OR HASN'T MOVED FOR A WEEK OR SO, CHANCES ARE HE'S LIKE REALLY BUMED OUT OR HAS EXPIRED.

IF HE STILL MOVES ONCE IN A WHILE, STOP FEEDING HIM THAT SPECIAL CHOW AND START GIVING HIM SOME OF THAT (BLEEP) TABLE FOOD THAT YOU EAT ... PROVIDING IT'S NOT ON YOUR LENGTHY POISONED FOOD LIST.

AS FOR YOUR PET PUSSY ...... WELL, ..... LET THE FAT SOB CATCH A MOUSE OR TWO.

DOW - 2007

BILLY & NEWT

AN EXERCISE IN

NON-PARTISON HYPOCRISY

IF A POLITICIAN COULD HOLD HYPOCRACY IN HIS (OR HER) HAND .......... IT WOULD BE A

BOOMERANG:

SO WHAT'S NEW???

- RUDY -

EXCUSE ME !!!!!

The head DEM Harry Reid wants the Pres to promise NOT to pardon the SCOOTER.

PROBLEM:

1 - He's actually asking the #1 Politician to make a promise?

2 - Ol Harry might need a pardon himself.

3 - W likes nicknamed people.

4 - Harrys' boss thinks Scooters cute.

5 - Harrys' confused because the DEMs mostly pardon drug dealers, murderer's and mega rich tax evaders.

HILLARY VS KATIE

- UNFAIR -

PERSONALITY COMPARISON

AS FAR AS WE KNOW, NEITHER INDIVIDUAL EVER WEARS A HAT.

INTRODUCING !!!!!!!!

The "FOREVER" Stamp

Now the citizens will be able to enjoy paying rediculous sums for a (BLEEPING) stamp without the confusion of figuring out how much the stamp will cost.

That never ending chore of placing the cost on the stamp will finally be eliminated. That way, when you show up at the post office to bitch about the cost, you won't have a clue and meld right into that zombie like drone world that exists in the post office. Another benefit; less bitching, less gunfire among workers.

Future generations of postage will need no stamp. You will simply be required to attach a blank check to your envelope. These checks will automatically be forwarded to retiree's in Boca Raton.

" Babe "