NOT AGAIN !!!!

PROBLEM:

WATER ~~~~~~~~ WATER ~~~~

AND ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MORE WATER ~~~~~~~~

SOLUTION:

1 - FIRE MAYOR

2 - CONVERT ALL PROPERTY ZONING TO BOAT SLIPS.

3 - TRADE IN ALL GOVT. HOUSE TRAILERS FOR HOUSEBOATS.

NEXT STORM .......... FLOAT UPRIVER.

~~~~~~~~~~~ PROBLEM SOLVED ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RNC

VP

JOHN BOY HAS PICKED HIS VP.

NOTE TO DEMS:

CHECKMATE !!!!!!!

GAME OVER !!!!!!!!

" O "

THE DNC WAS A TRIUMPHANT SUCCESS. IT WAS A CROSS BETWEEN AN ORATORY BY JULIUS CAESAR AND THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT.

IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE HUGE FANFARE AND THE LOAVES AND FISHES WERE DIVIED UP AMONG THE FOLLOWERS, THE ICEMAN HAD A VISION.

YES !!! IT WAS INDEED ... THE CHOSEN ONE.

ICEMAN: SIR .... EXACTLY WHAT R YOU GOING TO DO FOR THE PEOPLE??

O: I'M GOING TO BRING CHANGE.

ICEMAN: AND WHAT KINDS OF CHANGE MAY I ASK?

O: BIG CHANGES. NOT LITTLE. BIG!!!

ICEMAN: DO YOU BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE WANT?

O: ABSOLUTELY. IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE AND WE SHOULD CHANGE THINGS.

ICEMAN: WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU'LL START?

O: VERY SOON ..... IF NOTHING CHANGES.

ICEMAN: WHAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT HAS TO CHANGE?

O: WELL ..... FIRST OFF .... THEY HAVE TO ELECT ME ..... AND THEY BETTER NOT

CHANGE THEIR MINDS OR I'M NOT GOIN TO HAND OUT ANY MORE FREE FISH.

ICEMAN: AND HOW MUCH EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE AT THIS?

O: I GUESS, IF YOU COUNT VACATIONS AND HOLIDAYS, DAM NEAR 48 MTHS.

ICEMAN: HAVE YOU VOTED ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ON ANYTHING?

O: AS A MATTER OF FACT I DID. A COUPLE OF TIMES. HEY LOOK .... I GOTTA GET BACK .... THE FLOCK WON'T QUIT CLAPPING AND I'M NOT FINISHED PROPHESYING.

PREDICTION

ALMANAC

2008 / 2009

HOLD ON !!!!

HEY AL ..... ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE FREEZIN OR FRYIN ????

AS USUAL .... THE ICEMAN IS CONFUSED.

DEMS

VP

NOW WE CAN GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

GET PELOSI ON THE LAND LINE.

OH ..... NO ANSWER??

TRY REID .......

NOTHING ???? UUGGHH OOOO!!!!!

YA THINK THEY'LL BE BACK FROM VACATION ANYTIME SOON ????

JOISY

BRIDGE TOLL

OK!! NOW THAT EVERYONE IS IN AGREEMENT THAT WE ABSOTUTELY R IN A RECESSION, AND DA WORKER BEES ARE PRACTICALLY BROKE ...... JOISY HAS DECIDED TO RAISE THE TOLLS TO 5 BUCKS. NOT BAD!!!

AFTER ALL, WE WERE ONLY PAYING 3 BUCKS ..... WHAT'S A 2 BUCK INCREASE!! IT'S ONLY 2 BUCKS OR, .... LET'S SEE .... 66 2/3 % INCREASE.

SO ALL YA GOTTA DO IS ASK YOUR BOSS FOR THE SAME KINDA RAISE. NO PROBLEM.

LOOKS LIKE THE GAS TAX AND MONEY FROM THE TOLLS (WHICH INCLUDES BRIDGE MAINTENANCE) MUSTA GOT LOST SOMEWHERE.

IN ORDER TO AVOID THE NEW SUPER TAX ..... YOU COULD SWIM ACROSS THE DELAWARE ON MONDAYS AND THURSDAYS. IF THAT DON'T CUT IT .... YOU CAN ALWAYS JUMP.

DEBATE

U MAY BE HEADED FOR

TUMOR CITY

YUP .... THIS PAST THURSDAY ... EXPERTS REPORTED THAT SOME SKIN LOTIONS MAY CAUSE TUMORS.

NOW DON'T GET EXCITED, NOT CANCER, JUST GOOD OLD FASHIONED TUMORS. SO IF YOU DON'T MIND HAVING A BUNCH OF LUMPS ALL OVER, DON'T SWEAT IT.

IF YOU'VE BEEN PACKING ON THIS STUFF AND BAKING ON DA BEACH FOR 20 OR 30 YRS ... YOUR LOOOOKKIINNGGG GOOD .... A LITTLE LUMPY ..... BUT GOOD.

SAY .... WHAT'S THAT!! YA BETTER GET THAT LOOKED AT.

ENERGY DRINK

THE QUICK PICKER UPPER

OR

LAYER DOWNER.

DON'T SMOKE .... IT MIGHT KILL YA IN 50 OR 60 YRS.

SIGNS

OF THE

TIMES

FOREIGN AFFAIRS

ADVISER

LOOKS LIKE THE BIG O IS GETTING ADVICE FROM GEORGE.

ICEMAN: BARACK .... HOW COME YOUR GETTIN ADVICE FROM THIS GUY ... ESPECIALLY ABOUT FOREIGN AFFAIRS ??

ARE YOU KIDDIN ME??!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY MOVIES THIS GUY WAS IN?? AND HE'S GOODLOOKIN.

DOLLAR GAINS VALUE

SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT US CURRENCY HAS MORE TRACE AMOUNTS OF COCAINE ON ITS SURFACE THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY.

WE CAN ONLY ESTIMATE THAT BY THE END OF 2008, THE RESIDUE WILL BE WORTH MORE THAN THE ACTUAL BILL.

REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO SAVE YOUR CHANGE IN ONE OF THOSE OLD JARS?? FAAAGGEETTT ABOUD IT !!!!

START SAVING THOSE WRINKLED UP DOLLAR BILLS. YOU'LL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO RETIRE IN LIKE SIX 2 EIGHT WEEKS ................... UNLESS OF COURSE, YOU SMOKE THE BUCKS.

JOHNY .... JOHNY .... JOHNY

candiDATE vs DATE

SOOOOO JOHN JOHN ... WASS UP ?

AH SEE YOUR KEEPIN THE BABE IN A 3 MILL JOINT AND PUTTIN OUT 15 Gs A MTH TO BOOT. WASSUP WITH THAT?

WALL ... SHE'S JUST A FRIEND.

HOW BOUT YOUR BUD WHO'S SAYIN HE'S THE DAD? I HEAR YOUR SHELLIN OUT A FEW BUCKS TO HIM & PROVIDEN HIM WITH A 2 OR 3 MIL PAD?

WALL .... I KINDA TOOK A SHINE TA HIM 2.

OOOOO KKKK !!! NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL AN HTG GOOOOODDDD BUD.

SAY ..... WHERE YOU GETTIN THIS LOOT ANYWAY????

EEEHHHH!! AH DUNNOO. MAYBE FROM SOME A THAT CAMPAIGN DOUGH. LET THOSE DUMB (BLEEPS) PAY FER IT. WHAT DA (BLEEP) ... I'M A LAWYER YA KNOW.

PREDICTION 2048

A GOVERNMENT STUDY (BASED ON CURRENT TRENDS) HAS ESTIMATED THAT BY 2048:

MOST OF THE POPULATION .....

1- WILL BE SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT

2- BE MIXED CAUC, HISPANIC & AFRICAN AMERICAN

3- WEAR HATS / SOMBRERO'S OR HEADBANDS OF SOME SORT AND PREFER SMALLER VEHICLES

4- SPEAK IN A MULTILINGUAL LANGUAGE OF THE KINGS ENGLISH, EBONICS AND SPANISH

5- LISTEN TO A CONSTANT DIN OF NOISE ONCE KNOWN AS MUSIC

6- WILL REQUIRE ALL CHILDREN WITH KNOWN PARENTS TO HAVE A MINIMUM OF A 4TH GRADE READING CAPABILITY

7- WILL SEE A GRADUAL BLENDING OF HOMOSEXUAL, LESBIAN, TRANSEXUAL & TRANSVESTITE GROUPS RESULTING IN A SECONDARY HETROSEXUAL CLASS

8- WILL WITNESS A TRUE NON-PARTISAN GOVERNMENT PARTY KNOWN AS REPUBLICRATS

9- CURRENCY WILL BE IN SMALL VIALS OF OIL OR WATER WHICH WILL ELIMINATE THE DOLLAR BILL.

10- MORE THAN HALF THE WALMARTS WILL BE CONVERTED INTO GIANT WELFARE OFFICES.

BY THE YEAR 2050 AMERICANS WILL BEGIN TO WEAR TURBANS AND LEARN MANDARIN. DRUG TESTING PROCEDURES WILL REVERSE. ANYONE NOT ADDICTED TO DRUGS WILL BE EXILED TO UTAH FOR AN INDEFINITE PERIOD.

SCIENTISTS' WILL DISCOVER THAT TOBACCO DETERS DRUG DEPENDENCE.

LARRY KING WILL FILE FOR HIS 13TH DIVORCE. BILL CLINTON WILL MARRY WHOPPI GOLDBERG. REV. WRIGHT WILL PERFORM THE CEREMONY WITH BARRACK AS BEST MAN. PRESIDENT PELOSI WILL ADMIT TO HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH DICK CHENEY.

# 1

AFTER COLLECTING HUGE AMOUNTS OF DATA ... IN ALL OF ITS WISDOM ... THE GOVT. HAS DECLARED NEW YORK THE NUM. 1 STATE WITH THE LOWEST AMOUNT OF ACCIDENTS RELATED TO DRUNK DRIVERS.

WOW !!!!!!!!

WHO THE HELL OWNS A CAR IN NYC?

SHOW OF HANDS PLEASE. ANYBODY????

YES ..... YOU IN THE TURBIN. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

ME ... OMAR ...... AN WE DON'T LET DOG IN CAR EITHER ..... SO WE GOT LESS DOG BITES.

LOST & FOUND

GOOD NEWS

RESEARCHERS HAVE MADE A SIGNIFICANT DISCOVERY. THESE CONGO GORILLAS WERE ON THE ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST.

WHILE HIKING THROUGH THE CONGO ..... THEY STUMBLED ON A SMALL GROUP OF THEM ......... 125,000 TO BE EXACT.

THAT SHOWS TO GO YA, NEXT TIME YOUR LOOKING FOR SOME ALMOST EXTINCT ANIMAL, KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED, YOU MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY MISS 125,0000 OF THEM HIDING SOMEWHERE ...... AND OH ...... WATCH OUT FOR LARGE AMOUNTS OF POO.

MARY .... MARY ..... MARY

MARY: I WANT MY KIDS BACK!!

ICEMAN: BUT MARY, YOU MURDERED YOUR MINISTER HUSBAND IN COLD BLOOD.

MARY: YAAAA. SO?? I SERVED MY TIME. ALL 67 DAYS.

ICEMAN: DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?

MARY: HEY!!! THOSE 12 AHOLES THOUGHT IT WAS PLENTY. AFTER ALL ..... THAT SOB CALLED ME NAMES ALL THE TIME.

ICEMAN: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DIVORCE HIM.

MARY: SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP AND GIMME MY KIDS.

ICEMAN: WILL THEY BE SAFE WITH YOU?

MARY: PROBABLY .......... LONG AS THEY DON'T CALL ME NAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!

K - 2

K - 2 KOd 11 CLIMBERS.

AFTER THROUGH INVESTIGATION INTO WHAT CAUSED THE CATASTROPHE, THEY CONCLUDED ..........

DAT HILL IS JUS 2 (BLEEPIN) HIGH.

NEXA TIME YA WANNA GO UP ....

STAY ...... LIKE REAL LOW ..... OR MABEE EVEN JUS HANG OUT WIT SOME LOCAL SHEEPHERDERS AND LIE ABOUT DA TRIP...... WHOSE GONNA KNOW??

EXERCISE

BY

PILL

FINALLY !!!! AND NOT EVER TOO SOON, THE ICEMAN MIGHT ADD .... A PILL TO REPLACE EXERCISE.

EVER SINCE " STANDING " WAS ENTERED INTO THE OLYMPIC COMPETITION AS AN EVENT .... THE ICEMAN HAS SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED ENTERING. THE ONLY DRAWBACK ........ THAT DREADFUL THOUGHT OF CONSIDERABLE SWEATY EXERCISE.

THANK GOODNESS THAT PROBLEM HAS BEEN RESOLVED. NEVER THE LESS, HE STILL HAS HOPE THAT THE OLYMPIC COMMITTEE WILL RECONSIDER INSERTING " SITTING " AS AN OPTIONAL EVENT.

UPSIDE - DOWN

MAN BUILDS HOUSE TO MATCH MORTGAGE BALANCE.

MARS

WATER

THE MARS LANDER HAS SENT BACK

PROOF POSITIVE

THERE'S WATER ON THE PLANET