8 BUCKS A UNIT

YA EVER NOTICE HOW MUCH LIFE INSURANCE IS ADVERTISED ON TV?

GUESS IT WOULDN'T SELL IF THEY CALLED IT DEATH INSURANCE.

ANYWAY .... THIS CLOWN HAS BEEN HAWKING THIS BULL (BLEEP) SEEMS LIKE FOREVER. ONLY ONE TEENY WEENY THING HE DOESN'T MENTION IN THE AD..................

WHAT THE (BLEEP) IS A UNIT AL !!!!??????

COUPLE A UNITS PROBABLY WOULDN'T CARE 4 YOUR HAMSTER .......

AND THEY MAKE IT SOUND LIKE YA COULDA BEEN DEAD 3 WEEKS AGO AND STILL SIGN UP. WONDER WHAT THE CATCH IS????

THIS IDIOT PUSHES INSURANCE, CARSONS X STOOGE PUSHES IT, AND WAGNER TRIES TO GET YOU TO TURN OVER YOUR HOUSE TO SOMEBODY, AND ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WILL EVAPORATE ........... RIGHT BOBBY.

GUESS THESE GERIATRIC CELEBS DIDN'T COLLECT QUITE ENOUGH BUCKS YET.

BUT OBVIOUSLY, THEY ARE WILLING TO PERFORM A PUBIC SERVICE 4 THE LESS FORTUNATE.

OSCAR !!!!!!!!!

REMEMBER THIS CAT??

OSCAR LIVES IN A NURSING HOME.

STORY IS, EVERY TIME THE CAT SNUGGLES UP TO A PATIENT ..... THE GUY DIES. THEY CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

SO WHEN OSCAR MEANDERS AROUND THE PLACE, THEY AUTOMATICALLY THINK SOMEBODY CROAKED.

HERE'S A CLUE.

IF YOU COME INTO MY ROOM .... AND FIND A PUSSY IN MY RACK ..........

I'M NOT DEAD YET ...... JUST TRYIN TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH IT !!!!!!!

GLOBAL WARMING

CALIF. FORECAST

SCIENTISTS HAVE PREDICTED THE EFFECTS IN GRAPHIC IMAGES.

THEY SEEM TO FEEL THAT THE RADICAL CHANGES WILL NOT EFFECT LARGE PORTIONS OF THE CELEBRITY POPULATION AND WILL PROBABLY PREPARE THEM FOR THEIR AFTERLIFE.

ADVICE TO THE GROUP.

STAY PUT !!!!!!.

MARS

AS YOU KNOW, AN ASTEROID IS ABOUT TO STRIKE MARS.

IN ORDER TO COLLECT MORE DATA REGARDING SUCH AN EVENT, THE U.S. GOVT. HAS SECRETELY APPOINTED DENNIS KUCINICH TO STUDY THE EFFECTS OF THE IMPENDING COLLISION.

THEY PICKED DENNIS BECAUSE OF HIS RECENT CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH A UFO AND THE OBVIOUS THREAT TO HIS HOME PLANET. DENNIS HAS STATED THAT HE WILL VOLUNTARILY GIVE UP THE PRESIDENCY IN ORDER TO DEVOTE FULL CONCENTRATION ON THIS MISSION.

PICTURED ABOVE, IS A TOP SECRET (EYES ONLY) SPACE MAP THE CIA HAD HAND DELIVERED TO DENNIS, JUST IN CASE HE COULDN'T RECALL THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD.

HUCKABEE HUNTER

MIKE: YA KNOW, LAST WEEK MITT SAID HE WAS A HUNTER. YEAH ... RIGHT.

WELL.... I'VE BEEN KILLIN THINGS ALL MY LIFE .... LONG BEFORE GOD TOLD ME TO GO PREACHIN AND GOVERNING. HELL ... I GET A REAL WARM FEELING EVERY TIME I KNOCK OFF ONE OF THESE VICIOUS PHEASANTS.

AND THIS MITT CLOWN SAYS HE'S A HUNTER !!??? BULL (BLEEP)!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS A MITT ANYWAY?? SOME KINDA GLOVE??

OK. SO NOW I'M GONA STICK THIS BABY UNDER GLASS .... OR HAVE IT STUFFED. IT'D LOOK SLICK MOUNTED IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

ECONOMICS # 101

THIS IS A PHOTO OF:

1 - YOUR MORTGAGE PAYMENT

2 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

3 - YOUR CAR PAYMENT

4 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

5 - HEALTH INS. PREMIUM

6 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

7 - CAR INSURANCE

8 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

9 - HOME OWNERS INS.

10 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

11 - PROPERTY TAX

12 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

13 - IRS BILL

14 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

15 - STATE TAX BILL

16 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

17 - LAST GAS FILL UP

18 - PEDROS LAST DRUG RUN

19 - CARTON OF SMOKES

20 - PEDROS DISCRESTIONARY BUCKS

ANSWERS: YES - NO - SOME OF THE ABOVE - ALL OF THE ABOVE - NO COMPRENDE

ALL CORRECT ANSWERS ARE WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF YOUR

FORECLOSURE NOTICE

PHILLY POLL

YOUR SUPPOSED TO VOTE WHETHER YOU THINK THE SIGN IS OK.

THE ICEMAN DOES SO HE AXED A FEW BRO'S IN DA HOOD.

THE GENERAL RESPONSE WAS

" YA BEST GIT YO CRACKER ASS OUT MA FACE."

AFTER MEETING WITH THESE YOUNG AMERICANS, I SUDDENLY REALIZED A FEW INDIVIDUALS MAY HAVE DIFFICULTY READING ENGLISH, BUT MOST DEFINITELY COULD ORDER IN SOME FORM OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

WHO ELSE COULD I ASK, I THOUGHT....... GOT IT!! THE PHILLY CHAMP!!!!

ROCKY!!!!!!

SO I GOT ON MY CELL AND GAVE HIM A SHOUT.

(CONNECT) (ALL THE ROCKY MUSIC PLAYED) THEN HE PICKED UP.

ROCKY: YO!!!!! WHO DA (BLEEP) IS DIS??!!!! DAT U ADRIAN??!!! WAT DA (BLEEP)!!!!

CLICK

PROBLEM SOLVED !!!!

YES .... IT'S TRUE.

THE GOVT. HAS DECIDED TO STEP IN AND SETTLE THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THEIFS AND A-HOLES.

NO LONGER WILL BANKS & MORTGAGE COMPANIES BE ALLOWED TO GIVE LOANS TO PEOPLE WHO CAN'T READ OR COUNT TO SIX (6).

THEY WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO GIVE ANYONE A LOAN THAT HASN'T HAD A JOB FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS AND HAS NO DESIRE TO REPAY.

YOU WILL NOT BE GRANTED A MORTGAGE IF YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF WRITING A SIGNATURE OR IF YOUR SIGNATURE IS A SYMBOL OR AN X.

THESE NEW RULES WILL NOT BE RETROACTIVE AND DO NOT APPLY TO ILLEGAL IMIGRANTS.

ANY NEW ADVERTISEMENT MUST DISPLAY ALL THE NEW RULES IN SPANISH (PRESS 1), ENGLES, SWAHILI, ARABIC AND FARCI.

THE FINE PRINT FONTS WILL BE ALLOWED TO BE REDUCED IN ORDER TO AFFORD THE LENDERS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TO SCREW YOU IN WAYS THAT HAVE NOT YET BEEN CONCEIVED.

OH! ONE THING. THOSE OF YOU THAT SOMEHOW ARE STILL STRUGGLING TO MAKE YOUR PAYMENTS ....... YOUR (BLEEPED).

O M G !!!!!!!

THEIR GOING TO BAN

CUPCAKES

IN OUR SCHOOLS !!!

THINK ABOUT IT.

IT'S REDICULOUS.

NOW, WHEN LITTLE JOHNY LEAVES HIS SEX EDUCATION CLASS WHERE HE WAS JUST LECTURED ON THE FACT THAT HAVING 2 MOMMYS OR 2 DADDYS IS QUITE NORMAL, AND THEN HANDED HIS MONTHLY SUPPLY OF RUBBERS ...... HE AND PEGGY SUE ARE OFF TO THE CAFETERIA ..... ONLY TO BE DENIED THEIR FAVORITE TREAT.

PEGGY SUE, AFTER VISITING THE SCHOOL NURSE TO DISCUSS HER PREGNANCY, WILL ARRIVE HOME IN TEARS BECAUSE OF THE BAN, ..... BUT THE SCHOOL MORE THAN LIKELY HAS NOTIFIED HER PARENTS ABOUT THAT ALREADY.

IT'S TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS.

WHAT'S IN A NAME ???

WELL .... SOMETIMES YOUR REALLY SURPRISED BY THE SIMILAR CHARACTERISTICS, JUST LIKE DREW & SCOTTY.

BOTH SEEM TO LOOK ALIKE, SOUND ALIKE, SHARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ALIBI'S, AND OF COURSE, NEITHER ONE GETS ALONG TOO WELL WITH THE SPOUSE ...... AT LEAST, NOT FOR VERY LONG.

SO WHAT'S THE MOST COMMON DENOMINATOR BETWEEN THE TWO ..... REALLY?

OTHER THAN THE NASTY HABIT OF KILLING WIVES ...... NEITHER ONE IS A SMOKER.

THE " SMELL " OF CIGARETTES

IS NOW CONSIDERED AS DANGEROUS AS SECOND HAND SMOKE.

IF YOU HAPPEN TO FIND YOURSELF INNOCENTLY WALKING INTO A ROOM THAT YOU SMELL OLD SMOKE, YOU SHOULD AVOID THE SMELLS AT ALL COST AND IMMEDIATELY SPRAY EVERYTHING WITHIN A 5 BLOCK AREA WITH YOUR FAVORITE AIR FRESHNER, LEST YOU BE STRUCK DOWN IN YOUR TRACKS.

OOOPPPSSS!!!

WHATS THAT YOU SAY?? NEW STUDY SAYS AIR FRESHNERS ARE POISON ??!!!!!

OK! OK! SO THIS IS LIKE A DOUBLE WARNING.

IF ANY OF YOU SMOKERS ENTER A ROOM THAT SMELLS OF AIR FRESHNER .......

GET CLOSE TO THE GROUND ...... NOT TOO CLOSE .... RUG CLEANERS ARE CHUCK FULL OF CANCER CAUSING AGENTS ...... AND WATCH OUT FOR ANY KIDS LEAD CONTAMINATED TOYS LAYIN AROUND ........... BACK UP, AND GO OUTSIDE WHERE YOU CAN ENJOY A COMFORTING SMOKE.

THE REV

AND THE MRS. (KATHY) AKA (HAPPY) IS UNDER INVESTIGATION.

AL SAYS HE DIDN'T STEAL NO MO BUCKS THEN ANY OTHER POLITICAL CRACKER. HE FIGURES THIS IS ALL BECAUSE HE GOT THAT FOOL IMUS MAN (BLEEP-CANED).

HE SAYS YOU AINT SEEN NOTHIN YET. BARACK & HE BE TALKIN OVER A VP SPOT.

AT&T HANGS UP

THAT ONCE, SO FAMILIAR, GLASS BOX WILL SOON BE DISCONNECTED FROM OUR LOCAL STREET CORNER.

NOT THAT ANY OF THE PHONES ACTUALLY WORKED, BUT ON THOSE OCCASIONS THAT WE DUCKED INTO THE BOX TO ESCAPE THE ELEMENTS AND FELT FOR LOOSE CHANGE, THEY DID SERVE A PURPOSE, AFTER YOUR OLFACTORY NERVE ADJUSTED TO THE URINE AROMA.

ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, SOME ENTREPRENEURS (AS PICTURED) ARE MIFFED OVER THE DECISION TO REMOVE THE BOOTHS AND ARE JOING FORCES WITH OTHER PIMPS AND DRUG DEALERS TO PROTEST.

AT&T CONTENDS THAT MOST SMALL BUSINESS' AND GANGSTERS NOW USE CELL PHONES, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY BUY ONE OF THOSE FRIEND AND FAMILY PLANS.

IN ADDITION, AFTER THE BOOTHS ARE REMOVED, IT WILL FREE UP A GREAT DEAL OF GROUND SPACE THAT WILL PROVIDE A LARGER LIVING AREA FOR INNER CITY HOMELESS.

THE COMPANY MAY DONATE THE BOOTHS TO PEOPLE FACING FORECLOSURE AS TEMPORARY SHELTER, AS LONG AS THEY PAID THEIR LATEST PHONE BILL.

VOTE - DEMOCRAT

VOTE - REPUBLICAN

REPORTER

MY BEST KEPT SECRET IS

LARRY KING IS MY SON.

PEOPLE ALWAYS CRITICIZE ME.

EVEN WHEN I RODE MY OWN HORSE TO WORK.

FORECLOSURE

FEARS OF A COLLAPSE IN THE HOUSING MARKET HAS PROMPTED THE FEDS TO FIND A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM.

REALIZING THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE SITUATION, AN URGENT MEETING OF MAJOR BANKERS, MORTGAGE BROKERS AND OTHER THIEVES, WAS CALLED.

CREDIT CARD EXECUTIVES SHIED AWAY FROM THE POWWOW BECAUSE OF THE OVERWHELMING RECENT THREATS OF LYNCHING.

FOLLOWING INTENSE DISCUSSION ... 1 SOLUTION TO THE CRISIS:

A SELECT GROUP OF MORTGAGE HOLDERS FACING FORECLOSURE WILL HAVE THIER INTEREST RATE FROZEN ............. FOR A TEENY BIT ........ IF THEY QUALIFY.

IF YOU ARE A FOLLICLY CHALLENGED, INDONESIAN-AMERICAN TRANSEXUAL DWARF AMPUTEE, AND ARE A LEGAL IMMIGRANT ... WITH NO OUTSTANDING PARKING TICKETS .... YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE ..... PROVIDED YOU ARE A REGISTERED LIBERTARIAN.

IOWA POLL

PREDICTED RESULTS

BASED ON DEMOCRAT ACTUARIAL DATA.