Slowly but surely:

"Avoiding Extinction"

The Interview:

The Iceman met up with one of the head executives of the federal health organization, Dr. Nomore. They sat down and had a heart to heart discussion about the catastrophic results of smoking.

Iceman: I see the latest news on TV that smoking kills one person every 8 seconds. Is that true?

Nomore: Of course it’s true, and the number could be even higher.

Iceman: Wow! And how long has this been going on?

Nomore: What the hell do you mean? Since the beginning ... idiot.

Iceman: Don’t get excited. Did you take your Valium this morning? I’m just thinking that, according to your stats, about 4 million a year die from smoking. Isn’t that right?

Nomore: Yea. So?

Iceman: So .... just over the last 50 years .... 200 million got killed.

Nomore: Boy. Your quite the mathematician. Your not as dumb as you look.

Iceman: I just thought that must be the reason there’s so few people around any more. Wait a second. Aren’t there about 300 million of us in this country, not counting about another 40 or 50 million illegal non-smokers?

Nomore: I never said I was the one that figured out these numbers. It was some Actuary that interned here a while back, but he’s not here any more. Tested positive I think.

Iceman: No .... I’m thinking we should be put on an endangered species list or something. Say, is there any kind of real threat from all the drugs or alcohol, or chemicals in our air and water, or mercury in our seafood, or flu, or venereal diseases and stuff like that.

Nomore: None that we can say out loud.

Iceman: I see you may have overdosed on Viagra this morning. How long have you been addicted to Prozac?