BOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CREDIT ??????

YOU SAID IT !!!!

IT REALLY PAYS TO PAY YOUR CREDITCARD BILLS ON TIME .... EVERY TIME .... ALL THE TIME ...

IN FULL.

OTHER THAN THAT ... YOU PROBABLY WON'T GET A LOVE LETTER FROM YOUR CREDITCARD COMPANY TELLING YOU HOW WONDERFULL YOU ARE ... THEY TRULY APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS ....

AND

THAT'S WHY THEIR LOWERING YOUR CREDIT LIMIT !!!!

THEY JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW SOME OF YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.

WORLD SERIES

INTERRUPTED:

REASON:

PHILLIES WANTED TO ENTER THE GUINESS BOOK BY ROLLING THE WORLDS LARGEST CUBAN CIGAR IN FLOOD CONDITIONS.

ALL THE FANS WENT HOME TO DEAL WITH THE SEASONS FIRST PNEUMONIA OR INFLUENZA EPIDEMIC.

ICEMANS GRAPH TEST:

MULTIPLE CHOICE:

THIS IS THE ICEMANS .....

A: CARDIOGRAM

ANS: MAY BE

B: ENGINE DIAGNOSTIC

ANS: MIGHT BE

C: POLITICAL POLL

ANS: PROBABLY

PORTFOLIO:

ANS: REGRETFULLY

DOW JONES:

ANS: INSANITY

ALL OF THE ABOVE

ANS: YUP

HOLY CHIHUAHUA BATMAN !!!!!!!!!

SCORES WILL BE TALLIED AT YOUR LOCAL REPUBLICAN SUICIDE CENTER.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

ICEMAN DEFINITIONS - # 5

1 - PROFIT

NOW SPELLED "PRO FIT"

THIS HAPPENS WHEN A SPORTS CELEB COMPLAINS ABOUT HIS NEW 60 MIL$ CONTRACT BEING TOO CHEAP.

2 - CAPITAL MANAGEMENT:

YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISER SUGGESTS YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY THE SAME WAY AS DC.

3 - BANKRUPTCY:

THIS HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASK YOUR BANK PRESIDENT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR $. HE GRABS YOUR PORTFOLIO, TURNS HIS HEAD ...... AND COUGHS.

4 - INFLATION:

ALL COMPANIES GROUP TOGETHER AND BLOW HOT AIR UP YOURS.

5 - DEFLATION:

NOW: DROP THE "E"

COMPANIES WLL NOW USE D FLATION TACTIC.

THE PROCESS OF A COMPANY OR GOVERNMENT INFLATING PRICES FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

6 - GRASSROOTS:

SOMETHING YOU SMELL AFTER YOUR BANKRUPT AND HOMELESS.

7 - CRISIS:

NOW: CRY SIS

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TELL YOUR SISTER YOUR BROKE.

8 - ENTREPRENEUR:

NOW MEANS: ENTER MANURE

9 - CONFIDENCE:

DENSE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THE CONS IN CONGRESS.

10 - UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE:

EMPLOYMENT IS TEMPORARILY IN SEWER. AKA (INSEWERANCE)

VOTE ????

BAILOUT

ACTUALLY ..... ONLY 630 BILLION BUCKS IS SLATED TO RESCUE THE COMPANIES THAT HAVE SCREWED YOU.

10%

OR

70 BILLION BUCKS WILL BE GIVEN TO THOSE POOR SOULS THAT HEADED THOSE BUSINESS'........

YOU WOULDN'T WANT THEM TO LOSE ANY OF THEIR YACHTS OR ANYTHING WOULD YOU??? ... AFTER ALL ... IT TOOK A GREAT DEAL OF EFFORT TO FIGURE OUT THE BEST WAY TO RELIEVE YOU OF YOUR LIFES SAVINGS.

WOULDN'T THE 70 BIL BE BEST SUITED FOR JUST "BAIL" FOR THESE SOBs???

MAYBE THE DC CROOKS MIXED UP THE TERMINOLOGY.

YA THINK?????????????

ICEMANS GUESS

KEEP THE

CHANGE

JOE

THE PLUMBER

JOE: YOUR TELLING ME I'LL BE WAY BETTER OFF VOTING 4 U???

BARRY: ABSOLUTELY JOEY. I KNOW HOW DUMB YOU ARE AND I'M REAL SMART. YOU JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND. REAL SMART GUYS LIKE ME KNOW ALOT MORE ABOUT THIS STUFF.

JOE: SO .... WHAT YOUR TELLING ME IS .... MY TAXES SUPPORTED YOUR WHOLE FAMILY AND PAID FOR YOUR ENTIRE EDUCATION ...... AND NOW I DON'T HAVE A CLUE ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR THE COUNTRY. YOU MUST BE RIGHT.

I GUESS THIS WHOLE DEAL HAS BEEN RUN BY A BUNCH OF REPUBLICAN PLUMBERS. BY THE WAY BARR ...... HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW MANY PLUMBERS HAVE BANKRUPTED LATELY??

BARRY: GOTTA GO JOE. MICHELLE CALLED AND SAID THE JOHN WON'T STOP RUNNING.

THE GREAT DEBATE 08

ICEMAN: WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE TO WIN BOYS??

BARRY: WELL .... IF A VOTER STILL CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND ... I'LL SEND ... EITHER ONE OF MY TERRORIST FRIENDS OR A RELIGIOUS FANATICAL PREACHER OVER TO CONVINCE YOU.

MAC: MY FRIEND .... ALL I CAN SAY IS .... YOUR WELCOME TO COME OVER TO MY PLACE AND HAVE AS MUCH FREE BEER AS YOU CAN HANDLE AND SARAH WILL COOK YOU A HOT DOG. THAT SHOULD SEAL THE BLUE COLLAR VOTE.

WALL STREET

THE NEXT DAY:

THERE'S NO REASON TO LOSE CONFIDENCE IN THIS MARKET .... OR IN OUR FINANCIAL WIZARDS .

AND YOU WON'T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS LONG AS YOU STAY ON YOUR PRESCRIBED MEDICATION.

WALL STREET

AMAZING !!!

UP 932 POINTS .......

EVEN MORE AMAZING !!!!

ON A DAY WALL STREET WAS CLOSED.

SEE !!! NOT TO WORRY.

ALL IT TAKES IS DC TO GIVE 500 GAZILLION OF YOUR TAX BUCKS TO WALL ST AND YOUR ON THE WAY TA GET BACK WHAT YA LOST LAST WEEK.

YA THINK THE BOYS ON THE STREET WILL KEEP THEIR HANDS IN THEIR OWN POCKETS THIS TIME??

ABSOLUTELY .... ABSOLUTELY ...... ABSOLUTELY ...... ABSOLUTELY...... ABSOLUTELY............................................

ANYBODY GOT ANY VALIUM???

MESSIAH

LOUIE SAYS BARRY IS THE

MESSIAH !!!!

HOLY SHHHIIII...... !!!!!!!

GUESS JOHNY & SARAH DON'T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL THEN.

BY THE BYE LOU ... BEIN YOU R A LITTLE NUTS ..... YOU HOOKED UP WITH ACORN???

JUST ASKIN.

ACORN

IF YA WANNA GET ELECTED .....

GIVE US A BUZZ.

IF YA GOT A THOUSAND HUMAN BEANS IN YOUR COMMUNITY ....

WE'LL SIGN UP 2,000 FOR YA ....

NO PROBLEM ....

ESPECIALLY IF YA KICK IN 800 GRAND OR SO LIKE BARRY DID ...

WE LOVE BARRY

PS: PLEASE SEND US A LIST OF ALL YOUR DEAD RELATIVES AND TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN TA GET THESE FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS OFF OUR BACK.

ICEMAN DEFINITIONS - # 4

1 - VOLATILITY

NOW KNOWN AS VOMITILITY. SEVERITY DEPENDENT UPON DOW

2 - MARKET CORRECTION

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOUR ADVISER CONVINCES YOU TO BUY NOW.

3 - STOCK SPLIT

USED TO DOUBLE SHARES .... NOW ...... SOMEBODY CUT THEM IN HALF.

4 - 401K

AN INVESTMENT THAT IS WORTH 401 X LESS.

5 - STANDARD AND POOR

HAS BEEN ABBREVIATED TO JUST "POOR"

6 - CASH FLOW

THAT WARM FEELING YOU GET RUNNING DOWN YOUR LEG AFTER THE CLOSING BELL.

7 - P/E RATIO

VOLUME OF URINE ELIMINATION RELATIVE TO MARKET ACTIVITY.

8 - BULL MARKET

THE TYPE OF ADVICE YOU RECEIVE FROM YOUR BROKER WHEN YOUR DESPERATE.

9 - DAY TRADER

A PERSON THAT DOESN'T LIVE NEAR A CASINO.

10 - STOCK ANALYST

STEER CLEAR OF ANYONE THAT HAS "ANAL" IN HIS PROFESSIONAL TITLE.

FINANCIAL ADVISER

DON'T BE TOO CONCERNED ABOUT THIS MELTDOWN.

YOU HAVE INVESTED YOUR LIFE SAVINGS WITH THE GUIDANCE OF THIS FINANCIAL WIZARD BECAUSE BOTH HE AND YOU REALIZE JUST HOW DUMB YOU ARE.

AND HERE WE HAVE A PHOTO OF YOUR GUY CONTEMPLATING A HUGE DECISION ON YOUR BEHALF.

NOW YOU KNOW THE BENEFIT OF HIRING A WHARTON GRAD.

LOCK & LOAD !!!!

FDIC

PART OF THE BAILOUT BILL INCLUDED AN FDIC INCREASE FROM 100K TO 250K.

COOL .......... LIKE JUST ABOUT HOW MANY WORKING STIFFS HAVE A COUPLE HUNDRED GRAND LAYING AROUND? ANNYYYWAYS ..... GOOD!! NOW DONTHA FEEL ALOT BETTER?

THE ICEMAN THOUGHT HE'D ASK BEN BERNANKE A FEW ABOUT DA SITCHATION.

ICEMAN: SO BENNY .... WHAT'S THE SCUTTLEBUTT ON THIS DEAL?

BENNY: FOR ONE THING ...... YOUR DOUGHS BACKED BY THE FED NOW FOR 250 THOW.

ICEMAN: SO, YOUR TELLIN ME THAT WE CAN ALL GO AND WITHDRAW OUR BUCKS?

BENNY: WHAT THE (BLEEP) PLANET R U LIVIN ON? R U A DEMOCRAT?

MYYY FRIENDS !!!!!!!

I KNOW ..... I KNOW !!!

JOHN SAYS IT ALL THE TIME !!

SO ?? ..... HERE'S MY GROUPIES!!

FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF.

WALL ST

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR

EXCEPT

CHANGE

NEXT YEAR YOU'LL PROBABLY LOOK BACK AND REMEMBER THIS AS .....................

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

LET'S GET SOMEBODY WITH AT LEAST A HUNDRED DAYS EXPERIENCE TO SOLVE THESE PROBLEMS.

ANYONE THAT CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET A HARVARD EDUCATION FOR FREE .... HAVE A JOB FOR 12 GRAND A YEAR AND BUY A MILLION DOLLAR HACIENDA ...........

MUST KNOW WHAT THEIR DOIN ......................... RIGHT ???????????????

JOEY

THE VP DEBATE:

ICEMAN: YEH .... JOE .... SO ...... ABOUT THAT DEBATE THE OTHER NIGHT ...

JOE: YOU A LAW GRAD OR ANYTHING??

ICEMAN: NAH .... SOLD ICE.

JOE: WHAT ABOUT IT LITTLE MAN?

ICEMAN: ABOUT McCAIN.

JOE: OH YEH. I LOVE THAT GUY. GOOD FRIEND A MINE ..... WAR HERO AND ALL. LOVE THAT GUY. GOT ALL THE RESPECT IN THE WORLD FER HIM. LOVE EM TA DEATH.

ICEMAN: WELL? .... YOU MADE A FEW COMMENTS.

JOE: YEH. HE VOTED TO HOLD BACK MONEY FROM THE SOLDIERS AND DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND WHEN THEY KILLED ALL THOSE CIVILIANS.

ICEMAN: HEY .... JOE .... IT'S ME. YOUR KIDDEN RIGHT.

JOE: ABOUT WHAT?

ICEMAN: WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WENT FOR A CHECKUP?

GUILTY

AND YOU THOUGHT THERE IS NO JUSTICE.

WELL ....... YOUR WRONG.

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HACK PEOPLE TO DEATH .............

BUT

IF YOU MESS WITH SPORTS MEMORABILIA ........ YOUR LOOKIN FOR TROUBLE.

IT'S A DILEMMA

ACCORDING TO THE DEMS:

SARAH JUST DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE TO BECOME THE VP.

THIS IS PROOF POSITIVE THE REPUBLICANS DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEIR DOING.

IF THEY WOULD HAVE CHOSEN SOMEBODY ...... ANYBODY!!!! WITH ALOT LESS EXPERIENCE ..... THEY COULD'VE RUN THEM FOR PRESIDENT .... AND IT WOULDN'T BE CAUSE FOR ALARM.

RELIGION

THIS IDIOT JUST MADE A MOVIE. WILLY CONSIDERS HIMSELF 2 B A REAL SMARTY PANTS AND AN ATHEIST.

THE ICEMAN SAW A LITTLE BACK & FORTH (IN THE MOVIE) WITH WILLY AND JESUS.

JESUS: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOUR RIGHT?

WILLY: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOUR RIGHT?

JESUS: WELLLLL. IF I'M NOT RIGHT ..... I GOT NOTHING TO LOSE ...................... BUT, WILLY BOY, IF I AM RIGHT ....... THERE'S GOIN TO BE HELL TO PAY.

WILLY: OOOOPPPS

HARRY & THE GANG

ICEMAN Q & A

ICEMAN: SO HAR, WHAT THE (BLEEP) HAPPENED?

HAR: DON'T KNOW, DON'T CARE. ALL I KNOW IS BUSH DID IT.

ICEMAN: WHAT DID HE DO?

HAR: ALL THIS STUFF! BUSH DID IT.

ICEMAN: WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE.

HAR: NANCY & BARNEY TOLD ME..... HEY LOOK..... GOTTA CUT THIS SHORT. CHRIS & I HAFTA RUN OVER TO FANNIE MAE JUST TA REMIND THEM THAT WE REALLY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ANY LITTLE DEALS WE MIGHTA HAD.

ICEMAN: DEALS??? WHAT DEALS???

HAR: AH SAY AGAIN ..... BUSH & THOSE (BLEEPING) REPUBLICANS DID IT.