WHAT TIME IS IT KIDS !!!?????

IT'S CANCER TIME

YEP. A BRAND NEW STUDY PROVES THAT YOUR

CELL PHONE

IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN A PACK OF MARLBORO.

FINALLY " JOE CAMEL " DOESN'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY ANYMORE ABOUT GIVING YOU CANCER ...... AT &T, MA BELL AND ALL THE TINY BELLS WILL SHARE THE HONORS.

SO, NEXT TIME YOU LEAVE THE HACIENDA (LOADED WITH CANCERUS FURNITURE AND ALL TYPES OF CANCER CAUSING CLEANING AGENTS), JUMP IN THE FAMILY TRUCKSTER ( 10 MPG AND POLLUTING THE (BLEEP) OUT OF THE AIR), WIP OUT YOUR CELL PHONE HEAD SET (OUCH), AND CONFIRM YOUR MRI (DOUBLE OUCH) APPOINTMENT ................. YOU CAN REST ASSURED THAT NONE OF THAT SECOND HAND SMOKE KILLED YOUR CANDY ASS. IT PROBABLY WAS ALL THAT OTHER (BLEEP) YOU SUCKED IN ..... AND DON'T FORGET THE WATER PROBLEM EITHER.

NOW LET'S GET GOING ON A WHOLE NEW BATCH OF WARNING LABELS ...... JUST DON'T TOUCH THE INK ..... I THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM AS WELL.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

JUDAS

PANTS ON FIRE

I LOVE POLITICIANS

NOTHING BEATS LOOKING DOWN ON HIGH OFFICE

OR

LOOKING UP TO

LOWLIFES

DID NOT !!

DID TOO !!

DID NOT !!!

DID TOO !!!

DID NOT !!!!

DID TOO !!!!

DID NOT !!!!!

DID TOO !!!!!

DID NOT !!!!!!

DID TOO !!!!!!

ABOUT THE ECONOMY

BIG AL SAYS:

"OYYY VEYY" WHICH, IN YIDISH

MEANS

"OYYY VEYY"

OR

IN ENGLISH,

"WHAT THE (BLEEP)!!!!! ???"

OH OH OBAMA

SO .... YA DON'T REALLY GO ALONG WITH THE REVS IDEAS?

NAAA.

NOT EVEN HE BEIN A BEST BUD FER 20 YEARS?

NAAA.

NOT EVEN HE MARRYIN YOU & THE MISSUS?

WHAT MISSUS?

YOU KNOW. THE ONE THAT NEVER WAS PROUD OF HER COUNTRY. THE ONE THAT NEVER GOT A BREAK. THE ONE THAT MIGHT BE HAVIN SECOND THOUGHTS CAUSE WHITEY JUST MIGHT MAKE YOU AND HER THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE (BLEEPIN) PLANET.

OH ... HER. NAAA.

NOT EVEN THE REV THAT BAPTIZED THE KIDS.

NOPE.

YA EVER HEAR THIS CLOWNS RANT?

CAN'T SAY AS I HAVE.

NEVER?

UGGHH UGGH.

NOT ONCE IN 20 (BLEEPIN) YEARS?

NOPE.

WHO THE (BLEEP) IS KIDDING WHO HERE?

HEY LOUY!! GET THIS HONKY OUTA MA FACE !!!!!

- PHILADELPHIA -

A I R

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT FOR ALL THE HEALTH NUTS .......

BUTTTTTTTT

IT DOES SEEM THAT THE EPA CONSIDERS THE PHILLY AIR ....

UNBREATHEABLE !!!!!!!

NOT TO WORRY. JUST PRACTICE HOLDING YOUR BREATH A LONG, LONG, VERY LONG TIME ...... AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

OH! ALMOST FORGOT. DON'T DRINK THE WATER EITHER .... THAT'S (BLEEP) ALSO.

PS: DON'T SMOKE. IT'S HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.

DEADLY SINS

THE ICEMAN:

(BORN & RAISED CATHOLIC)

THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE A GANDER AT THE NEW AND IMPROVED LIST OF SINS ..........

POLLUTING

GENETIC ENGINEERING

OBSCENELY RICH - YOUR KIDDING

.... RIGHT ????

DRUG DEALING

ABORTION

PEDOPHILIA - ABOUT A DAY LATE & A BUCK SHORT

ON THIS ONE

SOCIAL INJUSTICE

YA EVER HEAR THAT EXPRESSION ... LOOK WHO'S CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK

PHILLY WATER

NOW WE KNOW ........ THE WATER HAS BEEN TESTED AND CONTAINS 56 ASSORTED DRUGS INCLUDING HORMONES, VIAGRA AND A VARIETY OF FEEL GOOD THINGS.

THIS IS PROBABLY WHY THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE HAS BECOME A LITTLE MORE AFFECTIONATE.

ADDITIONAL BENEFITS ABOUND AS THIS WATER COURSES THROUGH MILES OF 100 YR+ OLD LEAD PIPES. THE COMBINATION OF DRUGS MIXES WITH AN UNKNOWN # OF CHEMICALS AND PRODUCES A WONDERFUL COCTAIL WHICH IS EASILY ACCESSIBLE TO ALL.

HEALTH RECOMENDATION: 8 GLASSES A DAY.

SOMEHOW, WE JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE ALL THIS CANCER IS COMING FROM.

COFFEE ANYONE? TEA?

REMEMBER: WASH YOUR HANDS.

WATCH OUT 4 THAT SECOND HAND SMOKE! IT'S LOADED WITH CHEMICALS.

SUPER SPITZER

OK!!!!!!!!!!!!

QUETHTION.

WHO DA SNITCH?

WHO GOTHS MA TEEF??

RING ... RING.... RING

LIFE AT THE WHITE HOUSE:

THE RED PHONE ACTUALLY RINGS AT 3 AM IN THE (BLEEPING) MORNING.

HELLO !!!!! YES. YES. WHAT ???

HOLD ON A SEC.

WAKE UP!!! IT'S 4 U.

HELLO !!!!

HEYYYY!!! HOW YOUUU DOOINNN MONICA ??????

KILLER COUCH +

IN THE NEWS:

RESEARCHERS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT 2/3 OF ALL COUCHES IN CALIFORNIA ARE

HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH

HALF OF ALL CALIFORNIA FURNITURE IS CONTAMINATED AS WELL.

HOW'S THAT YOU SAY!!???

EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF FIRE RETARDENTS AND OTHER CHEMICALS.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT BECAUSE OF THE SUCCESSFUL BAN ON SMOKING, PLUS THE APPARENT FEAR OF FIRE IN THE HACIENDA, ... YOU WON'T BURN TO DEATH.

BUT

YOU'LL MORE THAN LIKELY DIE FROM CANCER LONG BEFORE ANY CLOSET SMOKER.

A WORD TO THE WISE:

LEAVE YOUR HOUSE IMMEDIATELY AND GO OUTSIDE WITH THE SMOKERS .... TRY TO AVOID THE SMOG AND APPLY SUNTAN LOTION RATED 200+ ... UNLESS OF COURSE, THE LOTION ITSELF IS UNSAFE TO USE.

NO MO

CELL PHONE

STARTING TODAY ..... JOISY MOTORISTS WILL GET A 100 BUCK TICKET FOR TALKIN OR TEXTIN WHILE CRUISING DOWN THE ROAD.

THE GOV THINKS IT'S A DANDY IDEAR ... SO DO THE ICEMAN.

YOU ALSO GET FINED FOR NO SEATBELT .... ( CLICK IT OR TICKET ) ANOTHER GOOD IDEA.

AND OF COURSE .... 65 MPH IS A GOOD SAFE SPEED LIMIT.

WERE ALL A LITTLE BIT SAFER NOW ..... THAT IS OF COURSE ... IF JOHNY'S NOT ON THE ROAD AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARE.

LAST YEAR HE SEEMED TO HAVE FORGOTTEN TO " BUCKLE UP ", DROVE ABOUT A 100 MPH WHILE SHOOTIN THE (BLEEP) ON DA CELL, WRECKED A 60 THOUSAND DOLLAR SUV AND DAM NEAR KILLED ANOTHER DRIVER ...... BUT ...... THAT'S OK .. THEY TRIED TO BLAME IT ON THE OTHER GUY, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT VERY WELL.

THANK GOODNESS JOHNY DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING. HE SPENT AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY BUYING THE GOVERNORSHIP.

ANYWAY .... DON'T USE THE CELL UNLESS EVERYBODY CALLS YOU GOVERNOR.