TOTAL RECALL

PLEASE RETURN ANY TOYS YOU PURCHASED THAT MAY HAVE LEAD PAINT, MAGNETS, DEFECTIVE WIRING OR EXPLODING BATTERIES THAT MAY HAVE POISENED, CHOKED, ELECTROCUTED OR BLINDED ANYBODY.

ONLY THE TOYS THAT WERE BOUGHT BETWEEN 1996 AND 2007 ARE SUBJECT TO RECALL.

PLEASE SEND ALL RETURNS VIA UPS TO PEKING OR RENT A U HALL AND DROP THEM OFF AT YOUR LOCAL "MADE IN CHINA" WALMART. MOST STORES ARE LOCATED NO MORE THAN 1 MILE FROM YOUR HOUSE.

WARNING:

IF YOU DRIVE TO STORE, MAKE SURE YOUR CHILD DOESN'T WEAR HIS / HER (MADE IN CHINA) PAJAMAS. THEY ARE COMBUSTIBLE. ALSO CHECK YOUR (MADE IN CHINA) TIRES. THEY HAVE A TENDENCY TO EXPLODE.

AHH OOH. JUST IN. CHECK YOUR BLANKETS FOR FORMALDEHYDE AND ROVER MIGHT BE A LITTLE UNDER THE WEATHER AGAIN.

NOTE:

WALMART IS CONSIDERING FREE BLOOD TESTS TO ANYONE THAT EVER BOUGHT ANY OF THEIR (BLEEP). YOU WILL RECEIVE THE RESULTS OF THE TEST IMMEDIATELY AFTER CASHING YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT OR WELFARE CHECK.

REMBER: DON'T SMOKE. IT'S NOT HEALTHY. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'VE BEEN SUBJECTED TO THE CHEMICALS YOU PROBABLY SUCKED IN FROM ALL THE CHEAP (BLEEP) YOU BOUGHT FOR THE HACIENDA.

CHINA HAS OFFERED A SINCERE APOLOGY FOR ANY INCONVENIENT TUMORS, BLOOD DISEASE ETC. THAT MAY HAVE OCCURRED. THEY PROMISE TO TRY AND FIX THE PROBLEMS AND WILL ALSO DOUBLE THEIR EFFORTS NOT TO SHOOT DOWN ANY MORE OF OUR SATELLITES.