REGULAR GAS

HOW TO DETERMINE WHICH BLEND:

IF YOU HAVE: REGULAR GAS

1 - FUEL COSTS $3.25 GAL

2 - NO MORTGAGE OR CAR PAYMENT.

3 - YOUR ON SS & MEDICARE BUT STILL CAN'T AFFORD TO GO OUT TO DINNER ONCE IN AWHILE.

IF YOU HAVE GAS "PLUS"

1 - FUEL COSTS $3.50 GAL

2 - MORTGAGE IS $2200.00 MTH - NO CAR PAYMENT

3 - HEALTH INSURANCE IS $1200.00 MTH

IF YOU HAVE " SUPER " GAS

1- FUEL COSTS $3.85 GAL

2 - MORTGAGE IS $2200.00 MTH - CAR PAYMENT $550.00 MTH

3 - EQUITY LOAN IS $900.00 MTH - CREDIT CARDS - 500.00 MTH

4 - HEALTH INSURANCE IS $1500.00 MTH BECAUSE YOU SMOKE

5 - YOU DIDN'T YET PAY LAST YEARS IRS BILL - PROPERTY TAX BILL JUST ARRIVED

IF YOU HAVE AN "ULTRA" GAS PROBLEM

(ALL OF THE ABOVE) PLUS

1 - YOU RECEIVED A PINK SLIP - YOUR PENSIONS BEEN ELIMINATED

2 - HEALTH INSURANCE WAS CANCELED

3 - COLLECTION AGENCY'S CALLING BOTH HOME & CELL PHONE

4 - YOUR WIFE JUST TOLD YOU SHE'S PREGNANT

5 - YOUR SON HAS ASKED FOR A SEX CHANGE OPERATION

6 - YOU RECEIVED DIVORCE PAPERS, REGISTERED MAIL THIS MORNING

IF YOU ARE IN THIS CATEGORY ... YOU HAVE PASSED GAS AND ARE

(BLEEP) OUT OF LUCK.