I'M HAPPY

I'M HAPPY

I'M HAPPY

I'M HAPPY

I'M HAPPY

SENATOR ???

ICEMAN: SO YA WANT 2 B A SENATOR.

CK: YUP.

IM: WONDERFUL. AND CAN U TELL US WHY?

CK: WELL ..... I AM A KENNEDY.

I'M RICH AS HELL .. EVEN THOUGH MOST OF THE DOUGH IS OFF SHORE.

THE KIDS R ALL IN SCHOOL AND I DON'T NEED A NANNY ANYMORE.

I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC AND CAN SWIM REALLY GOOD.

I DON'T CHASE AFTER BOYS.

I'M BORED WITH TENNIS.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO AND THINK I'D LIKE SOME KIND OF PART TIME GIG.

MOST OF ALL ... TEDDY THINKS RUNING A STATE MIGHT BE FUN FOR AWHILE. YOU KNOW ..... PASS THE TORCH AND ALL THAT CRAP.

IM: I BELIEVE YOU'VE PASSED THE TEST IN FLYING COLORS BABE. SAY .... YOU GONNA USE YOUR MARRIED NAME?

CK: UUUUUGGGHHH!! GIVE ME A BREAK.

GOOD NEWS

CITY NOTICE:

YOUR "CUSTOM BUILT", "STORM PROOF" HOUSE HAS SURVIVED!!

THE BAD NEWS

YOU ARE NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENTIRE BEACHFRONT PROPERTY TAXES WHICH ARE OVERDUE.

THE CITY HAS SCHEDULED YOUR HOUSE FOR DEMOLITION.

S E C

YEP .... LIKE MOST BUREAUCRATS BOAST ABOUT HOW INTELIGENT YOU HAVE TO BE TO REPRESENT THE TAXPAYERS ..............

THESE BRAINIACS SEEM TO HAVE (BLEEPED) UP A TEENY BIT .........

AHHH ..... SOMEWHERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD .......... ROUND ABOUT ..... 7 TRILLION BUCKS ....

BUT DAT DON'T MAKE EM DUMB .. DO IT ??????????????????????????????????

MERRY CHRISTMAS

NEW YORK TAX

D: HEY ELLIOT. YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I THOUGHT OF TO TAX THIS TIME?? YA KNOW WE'RE RUNIN OUTA STUFF TA TAX.

XXX: DON'T TELL ME!!!

SODA ????????????

D: YUP. TOLD THESE A-HOLES THEIR TOO FAT. THEY SWALLOWED IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER. IT'S JUST LIKE SMOKES ..... THEY CAN DRINK AS MUCH AS THEY WANT AS LONG AS WE CAN KNOCK THEIR BALLS OFF.

XXX: TERRIFIC IDEA DAVE. WHAT DO YOUR GIRLFRIENDS THINK ABOUT IT?

D: YOU KIDDING??..THEY LIKE THE HARD STUFF ..... SAY .... HEAR ABOUT CAROLINE?? THINK THEY MIGHT BRING SOME A THAT FAMILY DOUGH BACK TO THE U.S.??

XXX: LOL

MAD GAYS

THE GAY COMMUNITY IS MAD AT THE MESSIAH BECAUSE:

1 - HE'S LETTING RICK PRAY AT THE INAUGURATION.

2 - HAWAIIAN SHIRTS WENT OUT IN THE 50s WITH ARTHUR GODFREYs UKELELE.

3 - RICK IS AGAINST DRILLING IN DESIGNATED AREAS.

FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING EVERYONE COME TOGETHER ....... AS THE PRAYER IS RECITED .... THEY HAVE DECIDED TO GET DOWN ON THEIR KNEES TO PRAY ..... AND NOT ENGAGE IN OTHER ACTIVITIES.

AMEN TO THAT.

50 BILLION BERNY

BERNY MADOFF (LOVE THAT MONICA) SEEMS TO HAVE KINDA MISPLACED 50 BILLION ???.......

AT'S A SHAME ...........

THIS WELL RESPECTED ECONOMIC THIEF INTRODUCED A WHOLE BUNCH OF INVESTORS TO PONZI MANIA - (A TYPE OF WALL STREET STRATEGY)

SOME OF THESE POO FOLKS LOST THEIR HARD-EARNED MULTIMILLION DOLLAR NESTEGGS THAT TOOK MONTHS TO ACCUMULATE.

GOOD THING THE REST OF US DUMPED OUR PIGGY BANK MONEY INTO AIG.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

LOCK & LOAD

" GAY DAY "

WE CAN NOW CELEBRATE A BRAND NEW HOLIDAY.

WE HONOR THIS "GAY DAY" BY TAKING THE DAY OFF.

YESTERDAY, FRISCO AND KEY WEST, ALL BUT CLOSED. THEY COULD ONLY FIND 3 STRAGHT BARTENDERS.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT "GAY DAY" FALLS RIGHT AT THE END OF THE PROCTOLOGIST CONVENTION IN MIAMI. THEY ALL CELEBRATED THE NEW HOLIGAY WITH COLORFUL BEVERAGES AND CHANTING "BOTTOMS UP BOYS".

JESSE # 5

I HAVE NEVER OFFERED THAT MAN .... "ROD" A MILLION BUCKS TO MAKE ME SENATOR !!!

NOW .... MAYBE IT WAS SOMEBODY ELSE .... AN MAYBE ROD NEEDED A LITTLE WALKIN AROUND MONEY.... BUT IT SOINTENLY WASN'T FOR A SENATORS SEAT...... EVEN THOUGH I SACRIFICED YEARS & YEARS OF MY LIFE TO BE A PUBLIC SERVANT ... I MEAN .... I COULDA MAYBE HAD A CHANCE TO BE A PREACHER LIKE DAD. COULDA MADE A KILLIN THERE TOO BUT NOOOOO ...... I CHOOSE TO BE A PUBLIC SERVANT.

ICEMAN: BUT J J ........ I THOUGHT MOST OF THOSE THAT SACRIFICE WORE CAMOUFLAGE.

OHHH. ......... WELL ............... SAY ..... YOU KNOW ANYBODY BESIDES ROD THAT'S GOT ONE OF THOSE SEATS UP FOR SALE? WHAT'S CAMOUFLAGE?

ARRESTED

THE GOV. OF ILLINOIS HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR A WHOLE BUNCH OF REASONS (NORMALLY ASSOCIATED WITH THE USUAL POLITICAL CRIMINAL ACTIVITY).

SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT PUTTING A SENATE SEAT UP FOR SALE ON EBAY OR CRAIGS LIST INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH THE REGULAR POLITICAL CHANNELS. THIS WOULD BE A VERY EFFICIENT METHOD BUT APPARENTLY IS FROWNED UPON BY THE MAJORITY OF THE SENATE AND CONGRESS.

I MEAN, REALLY, IF A POLITICIAN CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY HIS OR HER SPOT IN THE POLITICAL WORLD, HE SHOULD LOOK INTO ANOTHER ILLEGITIMATE PROFESSION.

THIS ARREST SHOULD TELL YOU ONE THING ................ NEVER PUT ANY OF THESE SOBs IN A HIGH POSITION:

1- IF YOU CAN'T PRONOUNCE THEIR NAME

2- ANYBODY WITH THE FIRST NAME "ROD"

3- ANYBODY WITH A HUGE COIFFURE

- WARNING -

OUR GOVERNMENTAL SAVANTS HAVE ISSUED A WARNING TO ALL AIRPORTS THAT THEIR IS A SEVERE SHORTAGE OF DE-ICING CHEMICALS ...........

GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO RENT A CHEVY .............. OH !!!! ..... THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANY OF THOSE ANYMORE EITHER????

BLLLEEEPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

- POISON -

UUUHH HUUGH .... THAT'S RIGHT !!!

MORE POISON FOOD !!!

THIS TIME !!!!!!!

IT'S PEACHES !!!!!!

JUDGING FROM THE CONSTANT FLOW OF FOOD ALERTS ...... THE BEST WAY TO AVOID FOOD POISONING IS TO COMPLETELY ELIMINATE FOOD FROM YOUR DIET..... AND DO NOT ..... UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ....... OPEN LAST MONTHS PORTFOLIO STATEMENT.

Y ????????????

THE (fill in the blanks) R BANKRUPT:

BANKS:

CREDIT CARD INDUSTRY:

INSURANCE COMPANIES:

AUTOMOBILE INDUSTRY:

AIRLINE INDUSTRY:

BUILDING INDUSTRY:

STATE GOVERNMENT:

CITY GOVERNMENT:

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT:

ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC:

SSOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....................................

Y ???????????????????????????

DO YOU STILL HAVE TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY ENOUGH TO BORROW FROM A BANKRUPT SYSTEM?????

FOLLOWING A BIG POW WOW AMONG BUREAUCRATS, ECONOMIC WIZKIDS AND A MULTITUDE OF OTHER ASSORTED EGOTISTICAL NUTS THAT HAVE REMOVED THE LAST COOKIE FROM THE JAR ............ ARRIVED AT THE UNANIMOUS CONCLUSION .....

THE ANSWER OBVIOUSLY IS ...............................

" BECAUSE "

401 (K)

THE RESULTS ARE IN.

AFTER YEARS OF INVESTING AND PENNY PINCHING, YOU HAVE MANAGED TO CREATE AN ARMY OF MULTIMILLIONAIRES ..........

NOT YOU OF COURSE ...... BUT .....

A HELL-OF-ALOT OF OTHER PROFESSIONAL THIEVES AND HYPOCRITES INCLUDING YOUR OWN SPECIAL FINANCIAL ADVISER.

BASED ON THE EXISTING SITUATION ...... THEIR PERSONAL ADVICE ...... "NOWS THE TIME TO INVEST."

YOU MIGHT EVEN REGAIN YOUR LOSS' OVER ..... SAY ..... A COUPLA DECADES.

SIGN ME UP DUDE.

HENRY

SPEAKS TO THE NATION

H: WAIT!! WAIT !! ... I THINK I SEE SOMEBODY OUT THERE THAT ISN'T QUITE BROKE YET!!!!

ICEMAN: IT'S ME .... THE ICEMAN!!

H: HOW'S IT GOIN BUDDY???

ICEMAN: GREAT.. GREAT.... JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THERE'S A BIG SALE ON GLOCKS AT WALMART THIS FRIDAY. ....... SO ..... WHAT WERE YOU SAYIN AGAIN???