GOOD NEWS

4 A CHANGE

THE RESULTS OF AN INTENSIVE STUDY CONCERNING EXERCISE HAVE BEEN RELEASED TO

JOHN Q. PUBLIC.

THE PRACTICE OF IN-PLACE STANDING IS NOW CONSIDERED TO BE EXERCISE. NEXT YEAR, THIS EXERCISE WILL BE INCLUDED IN THE IRON MAN MARATHON.

BOSTON WILL BEGIN A NEW COMPETITIVE MARATHON DEDICATED TO THIS SPORT. THE ICEMAN WILL COMPETE UNLESS FURTHER STUDY DISCOVERS THAT SITTING CAN, AND SHOULD BE, CONSIDERED EXERCISE AS WELL.

THIS WEEK ALSO ..... WE HAVE DISCOVERED THAT SALT IS DEFINITELY A KILLER. THE GOVERNMENT WILL NOW TAKE STEPS TO ELIMINATE SALT FROM OUR DIET. IT WILL CONTINUE IT'S EFFORT TO FAMILIARIZE CITIZENS WITH THE JOY OF HAVING ALL FOOD TASTING LIKE STRAW BUT LIFE EXPECTANCY WILL INCREASE.

AFTER FOLLOWING DOCTOR AND GOVERNMENT ORDERS TO SEARCH FOR CANCER BY SUBJECTING YOURSELF TO CAT SCANS ...... WE NOW KNOW THAT THE SCAN ITSELF GAVE YOU CANCER. I SUPPOSE THIS IS WHY THE DOCTORS SUSPICIONS HAVE BEEN CORRECT SO FAR. IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE IT BEFORE YOU TESTED ......... WELLLLL???

SO REMEMBER ...... DON'T SMOKE ...... AND IF YOU DO SMOKE ..................

STAND UP ..... THROW SALT OVER YOUR SHOULDER ...... AND GO GET A SCAN ASAP.