~ Happy New Year ~

" CLONES & YOU "

Merry Christmas - 2006

I'M PRETTIER THAN YOU

NO

I'M PRETTIER THAN YOU

YOU HAD TWO GIRLFRIENDS!!

YOU HAD 3

(Bleep) YOU!!!

SEE .... YOU CAN'T MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!

____ ROCKY ____

PLANS FOR

ROCKY LXIII

ARE ALREADY IN THE WORKS.

THIS MOVIE WILL BE FILMED ON LOCATION AT A LOCAL PHILADELPHIA HOSPICE.

" CL-ASS - ACTS "

HOW TO AVOID FREEZING YOUR (BLEEPING) ASS OFF:

WARNING -WARNING

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING.

YA BETTER NOT SHOUT!

YA BETTER NOT POUT!

YA BETTER NOT EAT EITHER!!!!!!

" KOFI "

RUMOR HAS IT THAT KOFIs OPENING A STRING OF STARBUCKs IN TEHRAN.

THEY WILL BE RENAMED

" KOFIs COFFEE "

ALL EMPLOYEEs WILL BE REQUIRED TO KEEP THEIR HANDS IN THE AIR & KISS ALL PATRONs (BLEEP).

MO WILL ORDER ALL IRANIANs TO ENJOY A CUP OF JAVA 5X A DAY ... OR ELSE. AS PARTNERS, THEY WILL SOON EXPAND THE OPERATION TO IRAQ.

" COCK-A-DOODLE DON'T "

- COL. SANDERS COMMITS SUICIDE BY CHICKEN -

THIS WEEK'S LIST OF CONTAMINATED FOODS INCLUDED "TACO'S" & "HENS".

OTHER THAN SWALLOWING SOMETHING RADIOACTIVE, TACO'S & CHICKEN SEEM TO BE THE ONLY TWO FOODS THAT MAY KILL YOU UNLESS YOU LIVE IN JERSEY OR YOU ARE A REGISTERED REPUBLICAN.

PLEASE ADD THESE TWO ITEMS TO YOUR " DO NOT EAT " LIST.

FOR YOUR HEALTH & SAFETY, WE HAVE MANAGED TO CLOSE 3,700 TACO BELLs THIS WEEK AND WE ARE DETERMINED TO CLOSE ALL KENTUCY FRIED CHICKEN OUTLETS. WE SINCERELY HOPE THAT NO MAD COWS ARE FOUND IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA.

NOW GO OUT THERE AND ENJOY FINE DINING. JUST DON'T EAT ANY GREENS, FISH OR POULTRY. PLEASE AVOID INGESTING ANYTHING THAT SETS OFF YOUR PORTABLE GIGER COUNTER.

(TIP) THE ONLY REALLY SAFE THING TO EAT IS SHEETROCK.

- FOR SALE BY OWNER ?? -

" PENNSYLVANIA TURNPIKE "

ICEMAN: SAY EDDY? YA THINK YA OUGHTA GIVE THIS A LITTLE THOUGHT?

FASTEDDY: WHAT FER? WE DON'T NEED NO (BLEEPING) ROAD. IT'S A PAIN IN THE (BLEEPIN) ASS. ALL THOSE (BLEEPIN) CARS.

ICEMAN: BUT EDDY, WON'T THE TAXPAYERS BE A MIGHT UPSET IF YOU SELL THIS THING. YA KNOW YOU TOOK A LOT OF THEIR BUCKS TO SPEND ON THAT. THEY REALLY OWN IT.

FASTEDDY: YEH, BUT I GETS TA SELL IT, SIDES, A WHOLE BUNCH OF POLITICIANS POCKETS ARE A LITTLE LIGHT AND WERE CHOMPIN AT THE BIT TO GET INTO THIS CASINO RACKET.

ICEMAN: IS THIS LEGAL FOR YOU CLOWNS TO SELL?

FASTEDDY: DID I MENTION THE LITTLE WOMANS A JUDGE? A HOLE

" E COLI "

- PROBABLE SOURCE -

JERSEY WATER

THE BELLS WILL BEGIN TO IMPORT TIAJUANA WATER, PRONTO. CUSTOMERS WILL NOTICE NO DIFFERENCE IN TASTE AND NEW ILLEGALS CAN DROP IT OFF ON THEIR WAY TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE.

" WE HAVE AN OFFER "

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY ..............

OR WHAT ?

WHAT ???????????????

" DANNY & THE DYKE "