HEALTH CARE REFORM

THE GOVT. HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO SOLVE THE HEALTH CARE PROBLEM.

#1 - THE PROBLEM IS

YOU

#2 - IF YOUR GETTING OLD .... YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

WE CAN'T HAVE THAT. IT COSTS MONEY.

#3 - EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO HAVE INSURANCE IF YOU INTEND TO USE IT.

#4 - THE GOVT. NEEDS THESE DOLLARS FOR OTHER THINGS LIKE BIKE TRAILS, TURTLE RESCUE AND POLITICIANS SALARIES.

#5 - WE WILL FULLY INSURE EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN WHO DOESN'T NEED IT.

THAT WAY, WE CAN STAY COMPETITIVE.

MY PLUMBER TV AD

YA SEEN THE AD ON TV?

THE LADY GETS JOE THE PLUMBER TA WALK FIDO CAUSE SHE'S AT WORK AND THE POOCH HAS TA GO..... AND JOSE THEN STOPS WHAT HE'S DOING AND WALKS THE DOGGIE.

SHE SWEARS BY THIS GUY AND SAYS JOSE HAS BEEN HER PLUMBER FOR 6 YEARS AND SHE'LL NEVER EVER NEVER GET ANYBODY ELSE.

TWO THINGS LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 - JOE JUST CHARGED AN EXTRA 100 BUCKS TO WATCH FIDO SQUAT.

2 - IF JOE HAS BEEN COMING TO YOUR HACIENDA FOR 6 YEARS ..............................

JOE IS IN THE WRONG PROFESSION

OR

YOUR PIPES REALLY SUCK

TV AD

EVER SEEN THE TV AD TO GET YOU TO BUY GOLD?

THEY SAY IT WAS NEVER WORTH

"ZERO"!!!

WOW!! NOW THAT SHOULD REALLY GIVE YOU SOME CONFIDENCE HUH??

OK! SO YOU MAIL YOUR CHECK IN FOR YOUR SHARE OF THE " NEVER BEEN WORTH "ZERO" STUFF.

SURE ENOUGH ..... A FEW DAYS LATTER .... IT ARRIVES. YOURS, AND YOURS ONLY ..... YOU GET YOUR OWN PERSONAL PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU OWN GOLD.

NOW YOU SHOULD BE FEELIN REALLY SECURE. WAIT A SEC!! A PIECE OF PAPER!!!???

SO-CALLED

BIRTHER

OK ..... OK ..............

ENOUGH WITH THIS CONTRAVERSY ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS THE CERTIFICATE. IF YA DON'T BELIEVE IT ...... ALL YA GOTTA DO IS CONTACT THE DOC WHO SIGNED IT.

OHHHH!!! NO DOC??

WELL ....... MAYBE THIS IS SIMILAR TO ONE OF THOSE "NO DOC LOANS"???

CHANCES ARE ........ THE ORIGINAL EXISTS ELSEWHERE ..... BUT ........ YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO CONVERSE IN SWAHILI TO GET IT.

JUST IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEW REPORT:

HOT DOGS GIVE YOU

CANCER !!!!!!!!!!

THIS MEANS, EVERY BASEBALL GAME YOU EVER ATTENDED, EVERY 4TH OF JULY CELEBRATION YOU EVER HAD, EVERY PICNIC YOU EVER WENT ON, ++++ .......... YOU GOT

CANCER

IF YOU DRANK ANY BEVERAGE IN A PLASTIC BOTTLE WITH YOUR WEINER ..... YOU GOT CANCER TWICE. IF YOU DROVE TO THE PICNIC ..... YOU GOT CANCER THE THIRD TIME FROM THE UPHOLSTERY. IF YOU WERE IN TRAFFIC ....... YOU GOT CANCER THE FOURTH TIME FROM ALL THE EMISSIONS. IF YOU USED YOUR CELL PHONE ON THE TRIP ..... YOU GOT CANCER THE FITH TIME.

HEAVEN FORBID IF YOU HAD A SMOKE ....... WE ALL KNOW NOW, YOU KILLED EVERONE AROUND YOU, EVEN "SNUGGLES", THE FAMILY PET.

LISTEN UP: DON'T GET AN MRI OR AN XRAY JUST TO SEE IF YOU HAVE CANCER......

IT WILL GIVE YOU CANCER.

WHAT THE (BLEEP)!!!!!!!!

ANY IDIOT KNOWS THAT !!!!!!!

AND THAT'S WHY BARRY SENT ME TO SPLAIN IT 2 YOU !!!!!

DON'T FORGET .... I'M THE SECOND MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN DA WORLD .... WHICH, BY THE WAY, INCLUDES CHICAGO.

ICEMAN: HEY JOEY .... YOU MISS MANY THERAPY SESSIONS???

NOW, NOW,........................

DON'T GET EXCITED.

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE THAT WON'T HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PROGRAM LIKE ....................

ALL GOVT. EMPLOYEE'S

AND

ALL UNION WORKERS !!!!!!!!

NOTE:

NOT TO WORRY. BY THE TIME WE PASS THIS THING, YOU'LL PROBABLY BE BROKE ANYWAY.

SSA

QUESTION !!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW DO YOU HELP SOLVE THE

BANKRUPT

SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM ??

ANSWER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL ...... FIRST YOU ROUND UP

ALL

THE SS MANAGERS (675) FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY ..................................

FLY THEM OUT TO A REALLY COOL HOTEL IN ARIZONA ...............................

AND THROW A KNOCKED OUT $700,000.00 BIG BASH.

) O (

BIG TROUBLE !!!!!!!!!!

MRS. PELOSI IS DEMANDING AN INVESTIGATION OF THE CIA.

APPARENTLY THEY HAVE KEPT QUIET ABOUT A SUPER SECRET PLAN TO SHOOT TOP TALIBAN TERRORISTS.

DDUUUHHHH !!!!!!

OMG !!!! WHO'D A THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAVE OCCURRED TO THE CIA?? BETCHA THE FBI'S INVOLVED AS WELL NANCE.

NEXT THING YA KNOW THEY'LL PROBABLY FORCE THE ARMY TO DO THE SAME THING.

NANCE .... READ THE DIRECTIONS ON THE PRESCRIPTION. YOUR SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOUR MEDICATION ONCE EVERY 4 HOURS ..... NOT 4 EVERY HOUR.

............ AND AS A MATTER OF FACT ....... LATINA WOMEN DO MAKE BETTER JUDGMENTS ......

CASE IN POINT ......................

YOU JUST MADE FRANKEN A SENATOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I REST MY CASE.

IT'S NEW !!!

IT'S HERE !!!!

IT'S FANTASTIC !!!!!

IT'S MORE

BULL (BLEEP) !!!!!!!!

AND IT ONLY COST YOU FROM

18 TO 27 MILLION BUCKS.

WOW !!!! NOW THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL ONEA BIGGA DUESY OF RELIEF.

NOW .. QUICK .... MAKE AN EMERGENCY APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR PROCTOLOGIST.

CONGRATULATIONS !

FINALLY ..... ONE OF OUR GITMO BOYS HAS FOUND SUCCESS IN HIS TERRORIST CAREER.

HE IS NOW HEAD OF THE TALIBAN.

THIS IS PROOF POSITIVE THAT A STINT AT GITMO PAYS OFF BIGTIME FOR ANY OF THESE BOYS THAT WERE UNJUSTLY IMPRISONED.

UNFORTUNATELY .... THE NEW LEADER WILL BE FORCED TO LIVE WITHOUT AIRCONDITIONING, COLOR TV, CLEAN CLOTHES AND GOOD FOOD.

LOOKING FORWARD TO MANY MORE X GITMO GUYS PURSUING THEIR CAREERS .... MAYBE ON FACEBOOK.

PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!

THE TIGER WAS JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT THE ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS PRICES THE STADIUMS ARE CHARGING.

DING DONG!!!!! IS HE EVER RIGHT.

MAYBE IT'S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS THAT CELEBRITY ATHLETES COLLECT.

DUUUHHH.

CHANGE

YOU CAN .......................

BELIEVE IN ........................

YES WE CAN !!!!!!!!!!!

COMING SOON:

TO YOUR LOCAL

OBAMA DEALERSHIP

O D Inc.

MOST DEALERSHIPS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED WITHIN 100 MILES OF YOUR HOME.

MSRP: 400,000 YEN

30% INTREST - 20 YR. LOAN

BATTERIES (NOT INCLUDED)

BASIC WARRANTY: 6 MONTH (BUMPER TO BUMPER)

EXTENDED WARRANTY: 1 YR. - 200,000 YEN

OBAMA BUMPER STICKER - NO CHARGE

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!!

YUP ...... COME TA FIND OUT THAT THIS STUFF MIGHT NOT KILL YA ...... JUST REALLY (BLEEP) YOU UP.

PREPARE FOR THE NEXT WAVE OF LAWYER TV ADS.

THE GOOD NEWS IS:

YOU HAD A GOOD RUN .... HEADACHE FREE.

THE BAD NEWS:

YOU TURNED A LITTLE YELLOW AND NOW NEED A LIVER TRANSPLANT.

NOTE:

IF YOUR A SMOKER ..... ONLY YOUR FINGERTIPS TURN YELLOW ....... BUT YA STILL MIGHT HAVE THAT LUNG PROBLEM.