GIVE ME SHELTER

ALABAMA ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAS PLANS TO OFFER SHELTER IN ABANDONED MINES THROUGHOUT THE STATE IN CASE OF A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION OR SOME OTHER ATTACK.

THE CAVES WILL HOLD 300,000 ALABAMANS.

UNFORTUNATELY, THERE WILL BE NO FOOD, WATER OR BATHROOMS PROVIDED.

CITIZENS WILL THEN HAVE TO CHOSE BETWEEN BEING LOCKED UP WITH 300,000 REDNECKS WITH NO LAVATORY OR INSTANTANEOUS DEATH.

THIS SHOULD NOT BE A DIFFICULT DECISION TO MAKE.

THE APOLOGY

MATTEL HAS APOLOGIZED FOR ALL THE LEAD AND STUFF IN TOYS, CLOTHES, KIDS PAJAMAS AND EVERTHING ELSE.

OVER THE YEARS, IT'S HARD TO ESTIMATE HOW MUCH DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE TO AMERICAN CONSUMERS (NON-SMOKERS)BECAUSE OF THE OBVIOUS TOXIC PRODUCTS WE HAVE PURCHASED.

MATTEL OFFERS ITS DEEPEST REGRET FOR THIS LITTLE OVERSIGHT.

RECENTLY, IT DID SEND A WRITTEN APOLOGY TO PEKING ...............................

WAIT A SEC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NATIONAL MURDER CONTEST

SO FAR .... PHILADELPHIA IS WAY OUT IN FRONT BY REACHING ITS TARGET OF 300 MURDERS THIS YEAR.

(EAT YOUR HEART OUT CAMDEN)

THE MURDER BOOM HAS CREATED THE OPPORTUNITY FOR STATE TROOPERS TO PATROL CITY STREETS AS WELL AS THE FOUNDING FATHERS TO ADD THE HIRING OF AN ADDITIONAL

10,000 AFRO-AMERICAN POLICE OFFICERS TO ITS PAYROLL.

THE ONLY DOWNSIDE IS THE FEAR THAT THE NUMBER OF OFFICERS MAY OUTWEIGH THE GENERAL POPULATION AND AT TIMES BE CONFUSED IN A CROSSFIRE SITUATION.

NOTE: SMOKING ..... NOW THE #2 HEALTH THREAT.

NOT AGAIN !!!!!!!!!

AH AINT EVEN KILT NOBODY !!!!

DAM CRACKAS OUT TA GIT ME.

AH BEEN REHABILIGATATED.

ANY YALL SEEN MA BOWIE BLADE??

" Rosie "

Me write new book.

All about " ME ".

I use ta break my own bones ta get attention. I broke alota them .... but still .... nuttin.

One a those x I hit my gord by accident.

All of a sudden I realized 2 things ....

all those so-called terrorist's are just a bunch a good ole boys havin some fun AND 2 ... I really got the hots for girls ... at least the ones that were'nt obese.

" DUUHH "

LOST

OK ..... SO YA FOUND 6 OTHER PLANE CRASHES OUT HERE THAT NOBODY GAVE A (BLEEP) ABOUT ANYWAY.

YA GOT UMPTY-JILLION PLANES, TRAINS, AND ATV's LOOKIN AND STILL CAN'T FIND ONE BILLIONAIRE ....................

GEESSSHHH!!!!!!!!!!

ANY LUCK ON THAT OSAMA FELLA ?????

" GREENSPAN "