" WHAT TIME IS IT KIDS? "

- IT'S THE GIRLS TIME -

AND DOIN A FINE, FINE JOB OF IT SO FAR.

THEY FULLY UNDERSTAND THE FUTILITY OF WAR. NO MATTER IF THE COUNTRY IS ATTACKED .... WE SHOULD REALIZE ... WE DESERVED IT.

IF WE HAVE TO SEND SOLDIERS SOME PLACE ...... IT SHOULD ONLY BE FOR A WEEK OR 2, KINDA LIKE A VACATION..... AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DON'T HARM ANYONE UNLESS THEY BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF FIRST.

" DEJA VU "

HOLY MOLEY BATMAN!!!!

IT'S A REAL LIVE REPEAT!!!

" BIG JOHN II "

WELL COUNT MY MEDALS & CALL ME SENATOR.

"HANOI JANES" MAKIN A BIG COMEBACK & SO CAN I.

MAYBE WE'LL PARTNER UP AGAIN ...........

AHHHH....... THE GOOD OL DAYS.

" WINNER "

...... PHILADELPHIA PARK CASINO IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE FIRST HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR SANDWICH JACKPOT........

" 2 YOUR HEALTH "

THE "ICEMAN" IS A SMOKER:

( AND A FAT SOB )

Acording to these statistics, provided by all kinds of Govt. Drones, (at least until your local TV Anchor contradicts every (Bleeping) study ever produced) or will be produced,

.... if you drive to your doctor or hospital for your annual health check-up and preventative maintenance ....

you can stop bitching about second hand smoke and make out your Will.

The "Iceman " would hope that smokes be made illegal (they should be). There are 40 / 50 million smokers in the U.S.. The average consumption is 1 pack per day per person. The average tax (Fed/State) is $1.00 per pack, or 40 million dollars per day, or appx. 1 1/2 billion per year. The Iceman doesn't believe for 1 sec that our DC drones would miss the dinero.

The proof is in the pudding. As you have noticed, the dramatic drop in smoking has led to an all-time reduction in Health Insurance (if you can afford it).... OH?.. It's not? .. Uugghh!! Dam!! My mistake .... sorry. Well, thank goodness the cost isn't going up.

(40 million uninsured (r they the smokers?)).

It looks like (according to da chart) your in mortal danger if your a health fanatic.

Ok...quit eye-ballin the Drone Chart and pay attention to the next "adjustment" you get in the mail from Big Blue Health. It's like playing Monopoly, only different. Ya gotta keep track of the deductibles goin up, the list of Docs on your HMO goin down and of course, the inevitable notice of the increase in premium (in reeaaalll fine print). Eventually you will take the policy to H&R Block and your lawyer to review the contract.

Stay tuned ... and be careful on the way to your next appointment. Say, .... assuming you survive, .... pick me up a pack of Marlboro on the way back.

The smoking lamp is lit.

- PABLO -

" 4 CLOSURE "

HOMEOWNERS FACED WITH FORCLOSURE HAVE TWO OPTIONS:

1 - PURCHASE A BIC.

OR

2 - SHOP AT WALMART FOR

SOMETHING IN A SIZE

22 OR 44 CALIBER.

" IRELAND "

- IN THE NEWS -

# 1 - WE HAVE TOTALLY ELIMINATED SMOKING FROM ALL PUBS & RESTAURANTS 100%.

ALL IRISH PEOPLE ARE NOW MUCH HEALTHIER.

# 2 - ALL OF OUR CURRENCY IS NOW CONTAMINATED WITH CRACK COCAINE 100%.

A LARGE NUMBER OF IRISHMEN ARE HEALTHIER BUT CAN'T REMEMBER WHY.

" BIG DIG ? "

- BIG DEAL -

SO WE WERE CLOSED SIX MONTHS FOR ALTERATIONS.

NO ONE KNEW THE SENATORS HEAD WOULDN'T FIT THROUGH & WE HAD A COUPLA CAVE INS.

WHATTA YA EXPECT FOR DOIN THE JOB ON THE CHEAP!!!!!

" DEMOCRACY BONDS "

COME 1 - COME ALL

- JUST LIKE WAR BONDS -

OH?? THEIR NOT????

IT's REALLY A DONATION???

WOOOWWW!!!!!!!

I GET IT!!!

THIS AINT LIKE THE

" CULTURE OF CORRUPTION ".

THIS HERE BE PLAIN OL DOWN HOME BULL(BLEEP). NOW WERE TALKIN DEMOCRACY.

" OOOOPPPSSSSSS "

CAPTAIN: AND I'M TELLIN YOU THERE'S NOTHIN OUT THERE!!!!

MATE: I KEEP HEARIN THINGS.

CAPTAIN: LOOK, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, GET ON THE PERISCOPE AND LOOK AROUND!

MATE: CAPTAIN! OH CAPTAIN!!! ARE WE ALL PAID UP WITH ALLSTATE??

AND OUR TOP PRIORITY IS ..............

THE NATIONS BUSINEEE ...... NOOOOOOPE!!!!!!!

IT"S ANOTHER HOLIDAY!!!!!!

Now go out to the football game and enjoy. Just remember to be back in time to take off next Monday. Kings birthday. Elvis would be happy to know that this day is a Federal Holiday.

" ATTENTION SHOPPERS !!! "

- RUDY -

" GOOD VIBRATIONS "

" GUNS R US "

FOR THE MAN THAT HAS EVERYTHING:

Finally, a gun that can shoot

1,000,000 bullets a minute.

Perfect for Deer hunting or disposing of those pesky mice that annoy the home owner.

Soon to be available at Sharper Image.

Bullets sold separately in convenient 1,000,000 round clear plastic bags.

2006 IN REVIEW

This year, seems like just about every conceivable food item on supermarket shelves was contaminated or considered to be unhealthy. Produce was contaminated with Ecoli or whatever, meats were questionable and seafood was an absolute no no as usual. Sweet treats, tasty cakes and soft drinks were out obviously because of the national obesity threat. We also discovered that eating bread is yet another item that can cause Cancer.

The good news is that we’re about to legalize marijuana, red wine and beer are good for you, but only works if you stop smoking immediately. That way, when you depart from your local non-smoking bar, half hit in the ass from a variety of healthy beverages and enjoying a good joint on the way home, if your involved in a collision, at least you won’t put any other innocent civilian in danger with second hand smoke.

It’s been a great year to learn the benefit of rehabs. Lots of people entered rehab; movie stars, politicians, teachers, etc., etc.. Now you’ve got a great opportunity to do whatever you want that may not be socially acceptable, shed a tear, say your parents didn’t love you, enter rehab, and all is forgiven.
Freedom of speech was real big in 06. Now your child can saunter off to school in the morning, comfortable in the knowledge that he won’t be forced to say the "Pledge" or participate in any type of prayer. He can burn the U.S. flag at recess and sue the teacher for interfering.

The War. It’s not getting any better. We’re all still debating it. Everyone’s upset about it. All that really should be considered is the fact that once the fatalities in Iraq reach the murder rate in Philadelphia & Camden, we should bring our troops home.