SCANNERS

BY JANET

"THE SCAN PRO"

I JUST DON'T SEE HOW ALL THESE SCANS COULD POSSIBLY SCREW AROUND WITH YOUR DNA.

BESIDES ..... THREE EYES WOULD GIVE YOU BETTER NIGHT VISION AND WOULD BE A BOON TO THE SUN GLASSES INDUSTRY ..... CREATING / SAVING YET MORE JOBS.

OBAMACARE

YOU KNOW YOUR ON THE RIGHT TRACK WHEN THIS MURDERER HAS YOUR BACK.

CUBA HAS THE MOST EFFICIENT HEALTHCARE SYSTEM ON THE PLANET.

IF YA SNEEZE .... YA GET PLUGGED.

THE #1 THING YA NEVER ASK IN CUBA IS ..............

"HOW YA FEELIN BRO?"

THE MAIN HEALTH PROBLEM IN CUBA IS SWIMMERS EAR OR DROWNING CAUSED BY LEAKY BOATS.

THAT'S RIGHT !!!!!

ME

ALL YA NEED IS A BILLION BUCKS OR TWO.

SOME PLASTIC SURGERY.

A WHIMP FOR AN UNDERLING.

A SOCIALIST PRESIDENT

AND A DEEP DESIRE TO UNDERMINE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY.

JUST DON'T ASK ME HOW I GOT ALL THIS LOOT.

WELCOME

DONTCHA JUST WONDER HOW EXPENSIVE ALL THIS

FREE STUFF

IS GONNA BE??

GOOD LUCK COMRADES!!!!

THE RUSSIANS

TRULY ARE COMING!!!!

LOOKS LIKE BARRY MADE SOME KINDA DEAL WITH BORIS.

MAKES YA KINDA PROUD DOESN'T IT?

THAT SHOWS TA GO YA ...........

COMRADES STICK TOGETHER.

WHAT THE (BLEEP)!!!!!!!!

JOGGER ALERT !!!!!!!!

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER REASON THE ICEMAN DOESN'T JOG.

THAT NAGGING SUSPICION THAT A PLANE WILL FALL ON ME WHILE I'M JOGGING ON THE BEACH.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS GUY.

THE FAA HAS CONCLUDED THAT EITHER THE AIRCRAFT WAS FLYING TOO LOW OR THE JOGGER WAS A LITTLE TOO SLOW.

I HAVEN'T YET HEARD OF ANY SERIOUS COUCH POTATO BEING HIT BY A PLANE BUT ..... I WILL DEFINITELY BECOME MORE VIGILANT.

HEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!

REMEMBER THAT OLD EXPRESSION .....................

"BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR"

NO??!!

WELL ..... AT LEAST NOW YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF ONE EXPRESSION YOU NEVER HEARD OF.

WHAT EVAAAAAA

OOOKKKKK!!!!!

SO ..... I GOT ME A BUNCH OF TERRORIST SYMPATHIZERS TO DEFEND THESE RASCALS .........

AND???

SO WHAT'S YOUR BEEF AGAIN??

FINALLY!! A BENEFIT!!

NEW STUDY:

FROM THE JOURNAL "NEUROLOGY"

SMOKERS DON'T GET PARKINSON'S DISEASE ............

HOWEVER ..... ACCORDING TO THE COMMERCIALS ON TV ........

YOU STILL MIGHT HAVE TO CONTEND WITH ......

BALDNESS ... DRY EYE SYNDROME ... RINGING IN THE EARS ... SNORING PROBLEMS ... ACID REFLUX ... FROZEN SHOULDER SYNDROME ... ARTHRITUS ... NAIL FUNGUS ... CLOGGED ARTERIES ... ASTHMA ... LIVER DISEASE ... PROSTATE PROBLEMS ... ERECTILE DISFUNCTION ... SHAKING LEG SYNDROME ... DEPRESSION ...... ALZHEIMERS ... ETC., ETC.

OF COURSE, THERE ARE REMEDIES ..... WHICH, OF COURSE, MAY HAVE A FEW SIDE EFFECTS ..... LIKE "SUDDEN DEATH".

THE SMOKING LAMP IS LIT.

SMOKE EM IF YA GOT EM. IF YOU CAN STILL AFFORD THEM.

TOYOTA

THE MOST

ENVIRONMENTALY FRIENDLY

VEHICLE YOU CAN BUY.

UNFORTUNATELY ...... THEY HAVEN'T QUITE YET FIGURED OUT THAT BRAKE THINGY.

UNTIL THEN, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT THE CAR HAS VERY LOW EMISSIONS AND SAVES A LOT OF GAS...... AT LEAST ...... BEFORE THE FIRST MISHAP.

BECAUSE OF THIS PROBLEM ..... THE GOVERNMENT WILL REQUIRE ALL NEW CARS, MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES, TO STOP.

ROBBERY !!!!!

WOW !!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!!

USUALLY ....... IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

GOOD LUCK IN THE FUTURE.

YOU GOTS ABOUT THIS MUCH ROPE LEFT.

HEY!!! BY DA WAY ..... BOUT DOOS VIRGINS ???? NO DICE ....

TURNS OUT ...... JUST A BUNCH A OLD FRISCO INTERIOR DECORATORS.

BLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COLIFORNYA

HOLY "#@*#@"#"

WHAT THE "BLEEP"!!!!!

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER WAY THAT CALIFORNIANS WILL ATTEMPT TO .....

"SAVE OR CREATE"

JOBS.

FROM HERE ON IN ...... CURSING ON PORNO SETS WILL NOT BE ALLOWED.

C-3PO

WARNING:

AT THE MOMENT.............

THERE IS A CIGARETTE SMOKING BAN ON ALL AIRPLANES AND SPACE SHUTTLES.

HOWEVER ........ IN THE FUTURE ....

MARIJUANA AND SOME SPECIFIC PHARMACEUTICALS

MAY BE LEGALIZED DURING INTERPLANETARY FLIGHTS ORIGINATING FROM

THE LEFT COAST.