WALL STREET

WHAT TO DO??

WHAT TO DO !!!???

SO THE ICEMAN JUMPED ON THE LANDLINE PRONTO YESTERDAY AND HOOKED UP WITH HIS ALLKNOWING "FINANCIAL ADVISER".

HEY RALPH .... WHAT'S UP WITH THESE STOCKS? HOW'S MY PORTFOLIO DOIN?

WHAT PORTFOLIO??? WHO IS THIS???? RALPH WAS FIRED 2 WKS. AGO.

CLICK ......... PLOP .... PLOP ........ FIZZ ..... FIZZ.........

SOLD

THIS MONET PAINTING SOLD FOR 80 MILLION BUCKS THE OTHER DAY.

I SAW A SIMILAR PRINT IN KMART LAST FRIDAY. ON SALE, THEY WANTED $39.99 FOR IT.

THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A SEC, BUT UNFORTUNATELY I WAS OUT OF SMOKES AND NEEDED TO FILL THE FAMILY TRUCKSTER.

GUESS THE GUY WHO BOUGHT THE PAINTING DIDN'T SMOKE AND DRIVES A PRIUS.

SEE ..... IF YOUR FRUGAL ...... YOU CAN SAVE UP AND INVEST IN ART ALSO ...... JUST DON'T HANG IT IN THE JOHN.

SWITCHING????

YOUR ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!

THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF THIRSTY CRITTERS ARE CROAKING EVERY DAY FROM DRINKING COMMON SPIKOT WATER.

YOUR FRIENDS WILL SNUB YOU AND LORD KNOWS HOW MANY BOTTLED WATER COMPANIES IN BROOKLYN WILL BANKRUPT IF THIS TREND CONTINUES. )0(

MA MAN

PHILLY GRAD

OOOOOKKKKK!!!!

YO !!!! YOUR 1 OF THE 60% OF PHILLY DUDES THAT MANAGED TO GRADUATE HS THIS YEAR.

THIS IS YOUR GRADUATION DAY SCHEDULE:

1 - SHOW UP 4 THE GRADUATION.

2 - GET YOUR PICTURE TAKEN (GIVE THE CUSTOMARY GANG SIGN IN PHOTO)

3 - PARTICIPATE IN THE GRADUATION CEREMONY.

4 - EXIT THE HALL AND IMMEDIATELY BRAWL WITH OTHER GRADUATES.

5 - SHOOT A FELLOW GRADUATE OR GET SHOT.

6 - GO TO ER.

7 - (IF YOU SURVIVE) GO OUT TO PAT'S STEAK HOAGIES 4 DINNER WITH FAMILY.

(TAKE DAD TOO .... IF YOU KNOW WHO HE IS)

8 - (IF YOUR DECEASED) STAY PUT. FAMILY WILL RETURN HAT & GOWN.

ON THE WAY TO PAT'S .... AVOID PASSING BY RECENT MURDER VICTIMS FROM THE PREVIOUS EVENINGS SHOOTOUTS. IT'S DEPRESSING AND THE PERPS MAY STILL BE LURKING ABOUT.

FRISCO

HOOORRAAAYY!!!!!

AGAIN !!!!! FRISCO LEADS THE WAY.

GAY MARRIAGE BEGINS TODAY!!!

THE PROCTOLOGIST COMMUNITY IS ANTICIPATING A HUGE INFLUX OF BUSINESS. UNFORTUNATELY THIS WILL PROBABLY CREATE A BACKLOG OF APPOINTMENTS.

CUP A JOE

YES .... IT'S TRUE !!!!!

REMEMBER ..... UP UNTIL LAST WEEK YOUR DOCTOR TOLD YOU

CAFFEINE & NICOTINE

WILL DEFINITELY KILL YOU !!!

WELL ....... TODAY..... ONE OF THOSE KILLERS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.

SO NOW .... ONLY ONE DEATH THREAT EXISTS ................................

AT LEAST UNTIL JOE CAMEL GETS TO THE RIGHT POLITICIAN OR THE AMA.

REMEMBER .... DON'T SMOKE !!!!! ...... UNTIL THE TALKING HEADS SAY IT'S ONCE AGAIN OK.

FOR THE TIME BEING ..... YOU CAN DROWN IN CAFFEINE .... AND IT WON'T HURT YOU ... IN FACT .... IT'S NOW .... GOOD 4 YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!

GEE?? I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED?

PS: STARBUCKS IS OPENING UP 6 GAZILLION NEW SHOPS.

TAKE YOUR PICK

BOYS & GIRLS:

NOW YOU CAN BE POISNED BY THE WATER IN YOUR SHOWER

OR .... IF YOU PREFER .......

YOU CAN BE POISNED BY YOUR GOOD OL SHOWER CURTAIN.

BOTH HAVE EQUAL AMOUNTS OF TOXIC CHEMICALS.

JUST REMEMBER 1 THING ...... DON'T SMOKE !!!! .... IT'LL KILL YA !!!!!

ESPECIALLY IF YOU SMOKE IN THE SHOWER.

OK .... SO NOW A TOMATO CAN KILL YOU.

JUST TAKE APPROPRIATE CARE.

FROM THIS DAY FORTH .........

REMEMBER TO ORDER A

BL SANDWICH.

IT'S SUMMERTIME

COME OOONNNN DOWN THE SHORE !!!!!!

NO MORE SYRINGES ON THE BEACH !!!!! .........................

JUST AN OCCASIONAL BOMB......

SO FLAK JACKETS SHOULD ACCOMPANY SAND BUCKETS & SHOVELS.

LITTLE PEOPLE

GAS PRICES =

SHORTER WORKWEEK

OK..... SO ...... IN AN EFFORT TO COMBAT THE HUGE INCREASES IN THE COST OF COMMUTE .....

COMPANIES ARE BEGINNING TO INSTITUTE SHORTER WORKWEEKS.

FOR NOW ..... THEIR CUTTING OFF ONE DAY PER WEEK.

GRADUALLY, THEY WILL CUT OFF OTHER DAYS, WITH THE ULTIMATE GOAL OF WORKING MAYBE ONE OR TWO DAYS PER WEEK JUST LIKE THE SENATE AND CONGRESS.

THE ONLY REAL DIFFERENCE WILL OF COURSE BE, YOU WON'T BE PAID FOR THE DAYS YOU DON'T WORK.

- TROUBLE -

THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL IN TRUBLE WITH THE LAW.

THEY ALL HAVE 1 THING IN COMMON.

THAT'S RIGHT!!

THEIR ALL ATHELETES.

INCOMES IN THE MILLIONS

BUT SADLY ........

POOR EDJAMACATIONS.