EVACUEE FUND

HUNDREDS OF FIRE VICTIMS SEEK YOUR HELP TO REBUILD MODEST HACIENDAS JUST LIKE THIS.

THEY LOST MOST OF THE ART COLLECTION AND THE POOL SUSTAINED MAJOR DAMAGE.

THIS COUPLE WAS FORCED TO EVACUATE AND NOW FACE THE PROSPECT OF LIVING ON THE YACHT FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME. THEY NOW FACE THE AGONIZING TASK OF FINDING AN ARCHITECT.

THE HARD FACT IS THEY STUCK THEIR LAST 10 MIL INTO THIS JOINT AND THE INSURANCE COMPANY REFUSES TO PAY FOR THE KENTUCKY BLUE SOD.

PLEASE SEND CONTRIBUTION ASAP. AMERICAN EXPRESS (GOLD / PLATINUM) ONLY.

WATER WATER

EVERYWHERE ......

.............. NOT ....................

THE ARMY CORPS OF ENGINERRS HAS CONCLUDED THAT THE CITIZENS OF GEORGIA DON'T REALLY NEED THE WATER AS MUCH AS FISH DO.

THAT'S WHY THERE SENDING WHAT WATER IS LEFT ..... DOWNSTREAM.

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON THEY CAN'T DRIVE THE PICK-EM-UP TRUCK DOWN THE ROAD A PIECE WHEN THEY GETS A HANKERIN TA WASH IT.

A LARGE GROUP OF SOUTHERNERS BELIEVE HUGE AMOUNTS OF THEIR WATER HAS BEEN HIJACKED BY YANKEES AND STORED IN LITTLE PLASTIC BOTTLES SOMEPLACE IN WEEHAUKEN NJ.

CALIFORNIA BURNING

640 SQ MILES

1 MILLION PEOPLE EVACUATED

1500 HOMES DESTROYED

Insurance companies have probably sent out "registered mail" letters of denial already. More than likely you have not read ALL the fine print.

It may well be that you are covered if the fire started from the inside of the home .... not the other way around.

If, and we do stress "IF" somehow we are forced to live up to our obligation, you should be aware the state of California may not let you rebuild in a Fire Prone Area. Should that be the case, we can not reimburse you for a home that you can't replace. Other than that, all Fire Insurance has been canceled. We are not able to issue Fire Insurance if the structure can actually burn.

PS: Non-smokers in California might experience a dramatic increase in Health Insurance because of the huge intake of toxic smoke inhaled during this event.

The good news is that Smokers will now be permitted to smoke in all public places that have been burned to the ground. Second hand smoke is now considered less of a health threat.

Have a nice day.

COUSINS

ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE.

OBAMA DENIES ANY RELATIVITY TO DICK.

NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY COULD POSSIBLY BE A REPUBLICAN.

ATLANTIC CITY

CITY BY THE SEA

IT'S GOT EVERYTHING !!!!!!!

EXCEPT ..............................

A (BLEEPING) MAYOR ..............

DA BOY SEEM 2 B MISSIN !!

WE SHOULD CALL THE FBI ......

OOOHHHH ...... THEY BEEN LOOKIN 4 HIM A WHILE ALREADY ..... SOME KINDA ONGOING INVESTIGATION??

OH! WELL .... WITH THE BILLIONS OF BUCKS FLOATIN AROUND THIS PLACE ..... HE'S EITHER LOST AT SEA, UNDER THE BORDWALK,OR IN DA CAYMANS.

WANNA BET???

RECALL # 260 KAJILLION

SOUP RECALL ANNOUNCEMENT

IF YOU FIND PIECES OF PLASTIC IN YOUR SOUP LARGER THAN A 59 BUICK .......

STOP IMMEDIATLY

THE GOOD NEWS:

THE SOUP IS NOT MADE

IN CHINA.

IT'S CONCOCTED RIGHT HERE IN DOWNTOWN CAMDEN NJ ..... THE LAND OF CLEAN AIR, PURE WATER, AND FRESH UNCLAIMED CORPSE.

TO - DO - LIST

THROW OUT:

1 - BABY'S TOYS - LEAD

2 - CRIB - DANGEROUS

3 - BABY BLANKETS - FIRE

4 - BABY CLOTHES - FIRE

5 - SPINACH etc - E COLI

6 - HAMBURGER - E COLI

7 - PET FOOD - POISON

8 - NEW CAR TIRES - FLAWED

9 - CELL PHONE - BRAIN CANCER

10 - MONITOR - BRAIN CANCER

11 - GO TO WAWA - PICK UP PACK OF SMOKES

12 - BUY ALL NEW STUFF NEXT WEEK

13 - GET MRI - CHECK FOR CANCER

14 - MAKE DR. APPOINTMENT - SEE IF MRI GAVE YOU CANCER

15 - THROW OUT ALL NEW STUFF WEEK AFTER NEXT.