BleepBlog

2009-11-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

NANCE & HARRY HAVE MANAGED TO PASS A HEALTHCARE BILL.

HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS:

1- THEY ACTUALLY WERE WORKING ON A "SATURDAY" OF ALL DAYS!!!

2- 220 CONGRESSMEN WILL BE REGISTERED AS PSYCHICS BECAUSE THEY NEVER READ THE

2000 PAGES.

3- 220 MILLIONAIRES WILL NOT BE AFFECTED BY THIS CATASTROPHE.

AND THE BESTEST NEWS FOR YOU GUYS:

THE H1N1 FLU SHOTS WILL BE AVAILABLE MID-2010 AS SOON AS THE CRISIS HAS PASSED.

2009-11-05T05:20:00.000-08:00

WE WON ...... WE WON

YESSSSSSSSSSSS. YEP!!!!

THAT NANCE!!!!! SHE'SA PIP.

NICE GIRL. DOESN'T DRINK .....

BUT

ME THINKS SHE'S HITIN THAT MEDICINE CABINET A LITTLE TOO FREQUENTLY.

WILL SOMEBODY TELL HELEN HALLOWEEN'S OVER.

SHE KNOWS????

2009-11-05T03:02:00.000-08:00

SO !!!

YA THINK ELECTING TWO REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS IS A BIG DEAL????

SEE!! THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

YOU PEOPLE STILL DON'T GET IT.

THINK I'LL HAVE TO SPEND EVEN

MORE

TIME ON NATIONAL TV.

NOW, IF I COULD ONLY GET FOX OFF THE AIR WE'D HAVE A MORE LEVEL PLAYING FIELD.

2009-11-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

AND

Y NOT NANCE ?????

2009-10-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

UHHHH OOHHH

SLIP UP !!

SOMEBODY MADE A BOO BOO AND RELEASED A LIST OF LAWMAKERS UNDER INVESTIGATION BY THE

ETHICS

COMMITTEE.

THE ADMINISTRATION IS SO SHOCKED BY THIS NEWS THAT THEY ARE CONSIDERING THE REMOVAL OF THE WORD "ETHICS" FROM THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. MUCH LIKE THE "N" WORD. APPARENTLY, A GREAT MANY IVY LEAGUE INSTITUTIONS HAVE WHITED OUT THE WORD YEARS AGO. SO LET'S NOT MENTION THE "E" WORD FROM HERE ON IN.

2009-10-29T12:34:00.000-07:00

PANDEMIC

H 1 N 1

OK ... OK ..... IT'S SERIOUS.

THIS ADMINISTRATION GRABBED THE BULL BY THE HORNS MONTHS & MONTHS AGO JUST IN CASE THIS DID BECOME A REAL THREAT ... SO DON'T WORRY.

SO WHO GETS THE SHOT FIRST?

CHILDREN? ........... NO

MOMS? ................... NO

GRANDMOM ................... NO

DAD ........................ NO

GRANDPOP ..................... NO

CARE GIVERS ........................ NO

OK ............ GIVE UP???

PRISONERS !!!!!

YA GOTTA HAVE HEALTHY MURDERERS. I MEAN ..... WHO ELSE COULD HANDLE THINGS IF THIS VIRUS GETS OUT OF CONTROL?

SO LET'S START INOCULATING!!!!! ......................... CAN'T !!!!

Y!!!????

WE DON'T GOTS ANY OF THIS STUFF ANYWAYS.

SEE HOW THINGS SEEM TO HAVE A WAY OF WORKING OUT!!????

2009-10-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

RANGEL WANGEL

CHARLIE & TIMMY ARE BEST BUDS. AND WHY NOT? THEY HAVE LOTS OF COMMOM INTERESTS.

BOTH DETERMINE WHAT & HOW MUCH TAX YOU'LL PAY.

BOTH ARE TAX EVADERS.

BOTH WORK FOR BARRY.

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

KINDA MAKES YA WANNA BE A PUBLIC SERVANT DON'T IT??

2009-10-27T04:55:00.000-07:00

GOVERNMENT

HEALTH CARE PLAN

ICEMAN: HEY HARRY, ARE YOU TWO ALSO GONNA BE ON THIS PLAN??

HARR: OF COURSE !!! ........ WELL .... NOT HISACLY ..... BUT SIMILIAR.

ICEMAN: HOW SO HARR?

HARR: WELL .... FER ONE THING ... OURS IS CALLED A GOVT. PLAN.

ICEMAN: HOW BOUT YOU NANCE. WHATCHA THINK FER REAL?

NANCE: CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. MY FACE FROZE AND MY PLANES WARMING UP.

ICEMAN: YA THINK I SHOULD GET ON THIS BASIC PLAN?

HARR: DEPENDS.

ICEMAN: ON WHAT?

HARR: MOSTLY IF YOU CAN SPEAK SPANISH OR FREQUENT EMERGENCY WARDS FOR GUNSHOT WOUNDS.

2009-10-26T04:08:00.000-07:00

2012

MAYAN PROPHECY

END OF THE WORLD

DECEMBER 21, 2012

THE MAYANS WERE VERY INTELIGENT. THEY BASED THIS PROPHECY ON EITHER ONE OF TWO SCENARIOS.

1 - ALL THE STARS, PLANETS AND GALAXIES WILL LINE UP IN A PARTICULR WAY.

2 - YOUR 401K WILL SUDDENLY BECOME WORTHLESS JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

PERSONALLY, THE ICEMAN'S INTERPRETATION OF THE PROPHECY IS THAT A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF REPUBLICANS WILL VOTE DEMOCRAT.

THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS APOCOLIPTIC EVENT COULD BE AVOIDED IF SOME DEMOCRATS WAKE FROM THEIR COMA.

2009-10-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

CRITICS: 101

2009-10-23T04:14:00.000-07:00

I'M SORRY BUT WE'LL NEVER HAVE TRUE

SOCIALISM

UNLESS WE GET THESE PEOPLE OFF THE AIR !!!!!!!!!!

NEXT THING YA KNOW ..... THEY'LL BE DEMANDING WE FIRE ALL THE COMMUNISTS' ON MY STAFF. THEN WHAT???

2009-10-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

MY KINDA GUY

YUP!

NOW HE MIGHTA MURDERED 30 OR 40 MILLION OF HIS OWN PEOPLE BUT YA KNOW ..... HE DID COME FROM A POOR NEIGHBORHOOD.

ANYWAYS ..... THEY SAY ..... ONCE YA GOT TA KNOW HIM ...... HE WAS A PRETTY FUNNY DUDE.

2009-10-16T05:12:00.000-07:00

3 OUT OF 5

JUDGES

OBJECTED

WOOOWWW!!!!!!

GUESS THAT'S IT THEN.

OBAMOCRACY IN ACTION.

MUSTA SPREAD TA NORWAY.

WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE ANYWAY??

2009-10-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

WHITE HOUSE

- COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR -

(ANITA)

ME AND ALL THE OTHER OBAMANITES HERE AT THE

OBAMA COMPOUND

THINK THERE'S JUST TOO DAM MANY CONSERVATIVE TV STATIONS.

2009-10-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

PRESIDENT HILLARY ???

2009-10-13T08:31:00.000-07:00

IRAN & NORTH KOREA

I & NK:

WE'RE BUILDING OUR NUKES IN A MOUNTAIN, WAY UNDERGROUND. NOBODY CAN GET TO EM.

U.S.A.:

NO KIDDING?

5 .... 4 ..... 3 ...... 2 .............................

2009-10-11T04:35:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER

WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!

ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY BY USC ............... DRIVING WITH YOUR WINDOW OPEN IS ALMOST JUST AS DANGEROUS AS

SMOKING !!!!!!!!!!!!

OF COURSE YOUR PHONE PLUGGED INTO YOUR HEAD MAY ALSO GIVE YOU BRAIN CANCER IF YOU DON'T SUFFER A HEAD-ON COLLISION FIRST.

THE STUDY DOES SHOW THAT ALL THE TOXIC AIR YOU SUCK IN IS GIVING YOU CANCER RIGHT NOW WITH AN OPEN WINDOW AND NO DOUBT YOUR PASSENGERS ARE GETTING SECOND HAND TOXIC AIR.

YOU SHOULD CLOSE ALL WINDOWS AND ONLY HAVE TO CONTEND WITH THE TOXIC CHEMICALS IN THE UPHOLSTERY. IN ORDER TO REMOVE THE TOXINS FROM THE UPHOLSTERY ...... OPEN YOUR WINDOW IMMEDIATELY.

IF YOU DRIVE A CONVERTIBLE .... YOU PROBABLY HAVE A GOOD DOSE OF RADIATION ANYWAY SO NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE WINDOW PROBLEM.

REMEMBER ..... DON'T SMOKE. ..... DON'T OPEN YOUR WINOW ............. DON'T CLOSE YOUR WINDOW AND ABOVE ALL REMOVE THAT DEVICE FROM YOUR RADIATED MELLON.

2009-10-10T03:46:00.000-07:00

CHARLIE & TIMMY

WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TA PAY TAXES ANYWAY .... WHEN ALL THE REST A THESE A HOLES WILL PAY EM OR GO TA JAIL.

AFTER ALL .... AINT THAT ONE OF THE PERKS IN THESE JOBS????

(BLEEP) EM ALL!!!!

2009-10-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

BARRY HAS WON THE COVETED

NOBEL PRIZE

NEXT MONTH HE WILL BE ON THE COVER OF

RIPLEYS

BELIEVE IT OR NOT

2009-10-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

AND ...... THE .........

GOOD NEWS

IS ..........................

SENATORS & CONGRESSMAN NO LONGER REQUIRE READING GLASSES.

THE

BAD NEWS

THEY WILL NOW VOTE ON BILLS THAT ARE

NOT

EVEN WRITTEN ........ IT'S A CONCEPTUAL THING.

2009-10-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

2016

2009-10-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

OK ...... OK

I'M A GIANT HYPOCRITE.

I HAVE NO MORALS.

I'M NOT REALLY THAT FUNNY.

I VIOLATED MY CONTRACT.

I'M WEALLY IN TWUBLE!!!

I WONDER IF GEORGE AND SARAH WILL SEE THIS??

PAYBACKS A BITCH AINT IT???

THE GOOD NEWS IS ..... I SAVED 2 MIL BUCKS.

2009-10-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

MORE & MORE & MORE

MOORE

MIKEY: I HATE CAPITALISM.

JUST BECAUSE I CASHED IN & MADE ABOUT 50 MIL MAKIN THESE FLICKS MIGHT LABEL ME A CAPITALIST.

I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW

IT WAS AN UNINTENTIONAL CONSEQUENCE AND I FULLY INTEND TO SHARE THESE BUCKS WITH ALL DA POO FOLKS.

ABSOLUTELY!! ....... SCOUTS HONOR. ............................... ON THE OTHER HAND ......................

WHAT ARE YOU (BLEEPING) NUTS???!!!!!

PAID FOR BY "MOM" (MORBIDLY OBESE MEN) ANONYMOUS

2009-09-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

DANNY LOST

HIS 70 MILLION BUCK

LAWSUIT

HE HAD TO STRUGGLE ALONG WITH HIS 500 THOU PER MTH SALARY .................................

WHICH IS CONSIDERED TO BE

"MINIMUM WAGE" IN HIS WORLD.

2009-09-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

BILL INSISTS:

CONSPIRACY

A RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY IS STILL OUT THERE ...... AND NOBODY BELIEVES ME!!!

JUST BECAUSE WE CONTROL THE SENATE, THE CONGRESS AND THE WHITE HOUSE ....... DOESN'T MEAN THAT THERE AINT NO

GIANT RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY

THOSE REPUBLICANS ARE SNEAKY ...... LOOKIT!!! ...... THEY PUT OBAMA IN THERE DIDN'T THEY???

THEIR CAPABLE OF ANYTHING.

DEFINITELY ..... DEFINTELY ........ DEFINITELY.................. DEFINITELY.